Thursday, 10 March 2011

6 Months

Wow. Yes. Almost 6 Months since my last blog. Where has that time gone?

Work has become almost unbearable. There is just some much work and so few of us to do it all. Part of the reason that I've taken the opportunity to Blog today is that my colleague is leaving. If you've read my Blogs you know that for some time now it's been just me and him. Well soon it'll just be me. Not good.

But hey That's not why you're reading this is it? You all want to know what's happened between Mrs NH and me since my last Blog almost 6 months ago...

The Letter

Ah, yes 'The Letter'. The one I'd written so many times in my head, and the one I'd written on my PC many times but never printed. The letter I actually finished, ready to print to give to Mrs NH.

But I never did.

Not long after my last Blog Mrs NH changed.

It was almost as if she'd READ my blog. READ my blog and realised who The Neglected Husband was. Almost as if she knew Mr NH was ME, her husband!

The Change?

I've no idea what caused Mrs NH to change. No idea why she did change. No idea why after all these years she suddenly, merely a few weeks after my last Blog, became a sexual animal again.

Like I say, there I was still expecting the same Mrs NH. Preparing myself for 'The Letter' and if I'm totally honest, preparing myself for the worst. I was readying myself for a potential break-up of our marriage and even divorce.

Then Mrs NH suddenly changed. One night, a weekday, not even a weekend, she suddenly because very amorous. She was a highly charged sexual being. I was honestly totally confused, I mean where did this suddenly come from?

It started after we'd both had baths. Usually I kept away from Mrs NH as she seemed to hate me being around when she was bathing. This night she actually asked me to be there. She gave me a little show... and ahem, a 'helping hand' too through my clothes.

To say I was confused, puzzled, whatever you want to call it is an understatement. It was a bit like a dream, almost as if it wasn't happening.

By the time I'd had my bath Mrs NH was in bed, with her night wear on. I remember muttering some comment and thought nothing of it. I believed I'd had my 'treat' for now and it was back to normal again, a flash in the pan...

But then she shocked me.

I'd got into bed beside her when she leant forward and asked me if I wanted to play with her breasts...

Uh, what? Did I hear that right?

She sat forward in the bed and asked me again. Yes I had heard it right!

Somewhat shocked I gently started to touch her from the front... I'd almost forgotten what to do and just how good her tits felt... Then she turned away from me.

"Oh great, what have I done" I thought, as my hands fell away.

"try it like this " she said as she guided a hand back to her breast so I was behind her. My other hand reached for the other breast and I started to play.

Mrs NH was clearly starting to enjoy this! I thought to myself I how lucky I was just doing this when shock number two happened.

And I still can't believe she did it now as I'm writing this.

Mrs NH bent over and started to kiss me. Well not me as in my lips and mouth.
She was kissing my cock!

Ok it was through my night wear, but Mrs NH was kissing my cock. kissing my cock for the first time in well over a decade.

Of course this sent me wild and my body 'responded' shall we say, as I carried on playing with her tits.
Feeling very confident I slipped my hands under her top so I was touching her skin. Her nipples where like peanuts, they were so hard as I played with them.

Then came shock three. My NH slipped my cock out and began to lick it.

Oh. My. God.

I began to think I was dreaming. This couldn't be real. I must be asleep having a vivid dream.

No, no, no. This was real...
It was real Ok, 'cos Mrs NH stopped licking and kissing. Damn, have I done something?

I carried on playing with her tits, running my hands down her curves to her crotch... trying to open her legs...

Then she let me in... While I didn't have skin to skin contact it was obvious she was *really* turned on. It didn't take much of this before I got...

Shock four.

Wow.

Did she really just do that?

Without any warning Mrs NH had got my cock out again, but this time she took it straight into her mouth!!!

Oh my god, oh my god! "this can't be happening" is all I could think.

But it was.

I slipped my hand down between her legs inside her nightwear, touched her mound and she jumped. My hand explored and then came shock five. She was very trimmed. Not totally smooth, but trimmed. My hand found her clit and as I explored more I discovered that her wetness highlighted that her pussy from her clit downwards was totally smooth. OMG. Again.

As I continued to explore she continued to suck... Then she stopped.

"Oh no" I thought. But she got up on her knees, pulled off her top and dropped her bottoms. She grabbed me, lifted me up and pulled off my bottoms. I was naked from the waist down.

She came up and kissed me on the mouth. This is the Mrs NH who before would NEVER have sucked me and then kissed me. She kissed down my body, back to where she'd been. My hands quickly found her tits, and the other hand her pussy. With her on her knees over me her tits where gently swinging against my chest as she sucked.

My hand explored her wet pussy, sliding up and down. I reached over and started to kiss her leg, trying to reach for her lovely thighs. I could think of nothing else but wanting to bury my head between her legs.

I gently tried to pull her around and she moved without a fuss, still sucking and kissing me. I could almost reach her pussy...

Shock number six. without me even doing anything she swung her leg over me...
She presented in front of my face a lovely soaking wet pussy. Tentatively I began to lick.
Mrs NH squirmed. She tasted wonderful. Boy had I missed that beautiful taste.
I buried my head in her pussy, licking, nibbling, teasing her clit, exploring her folds. Mmmm...
And she was still sucking, licking.

"Is this really not a dream?" I thought. But it wasn't.

I felt her pull away from me. She grabbed a condom and put it on me. Mrs NH never put condoms on me, that was always my job! Shock seven.

She moved around and mounted me. And for the first time in I don't know how long we made mad, passionate love. And we FUCKED, like animals.
I'm not sure how we kept going as long as we did, but we did. But eventually we both came together... and I felt her muscles on my cock like I hadn't in years... I exploded.

We lay together for I don't know how long. It was hours.
It took me a long time, but I told her that I thought I'd lost her forever. She told me I hadn't and that "I'm back".

Was she? Was it all just a one off? Has she really changed? Or did something make her do it?

Well you'll have to wait for my next Blog... But there is lots to tell and lots to catch up on...

Thursday, 23 September 2010

Unhealthy tensions, Time for decisions?

Well that hasn't gone well. From famine to flood and back to famine all within less than 3 months. Although I have to say I'm not actually surprised.

Since my last blog outing I've tried to enamour myself with Mrs NH. I've done everything she wants me to do domestically, and I've tried to contain all my feelings of frustration, both sexual and otherwise between us.

I've been very careful when trying to approach her, completely missing obvious moments when I could try to touch her, caress her, hug her.

Sadly it's all been somewhat of a waste of time. When I have approached her it's as if she's got radar sensors. I get to within 6 inches of her and all the defence mechanism kicks in again - "leave me alone", a curt "don't!" or the worst put down of all, "get off me!". I've told her before that her reactions make me sound like a rapist, not a husband. Sometimes it's not only words either. In bed here favourite 'weapon' is her elbows. And sometimes it really hurts - physically.

We seem to be going around the same old circle again, going over the same old ground from a year ago, or even the year before that. Night after night I try to instigate a simple, innocent cuddle or a goodnight kiss, but I'm met with the usual aggressive rejection. Frankly I've had quite enough of that sort of behaviour and I could easily let my emotions loose, but I've thought that emotional gunfire isn't a good option. Instead I've stayed quiet, well mostly.

Mrs NH has started up her "you could have a new wife/woman" type comments again. Previously I would have countered these with "no I don't want a new wife/woman, I want the one I've got/you", but now I've started playing the same game. When Mrs NH says "you could have a new wife" I just reply back " you could have a new husband". It's not really having much of an effect but it certainly cuts short the conversation because I'm throwing her the line to respond to. Which she doesn't. I never get a "I don't want a new husband..."

Sadly, I've now finally, come to my senses.

I've realised what's been staring me in the face for years. It's so obvious that I just couldn't see it. And I'm sure that I'm sure some of you will tell me "told you so" and I didn't listen.

Last year proved that the only time Mrs NH is willing to put any effort into saving the physical, affectionate and emotional elements of our relationship is when she thinks they are under threat. It happened last year when I gave her my ultimatum that we either started having a sex life or I looked elsewhere.

What have I realised? Well that Mrs NH isn't bothered about our relationship firstly, as long as she's happy and secondly if it's not under threat. I've also realised that it's ONLY ME that's doing all the work to save, or reignite our marriage. Anything Mrs NH has done has only been when she's realised it's under threat.

During these last few months though I've also stopped being angry about all this (although you may all be thinking that this blog is a bit angry - it probably is but it's the only outlet I have!).
I'm now at the point where I hate to admit that I just don't care any more. I've done everything I feel I could have done, I've done all I can do, and I just can't do any more. I'm too tired to keep going around the same old circle.

I feel that I've spent years trying to save what we have, to rebuild our relationship, to reignite our sex life. And at the same time Mrs NH has done nothing. Zilch.
Unless I gave her an ultimatum.
And even then, looking back, she just did the bare minimum she felt she needed to do make me happy, and as soon as she could it'd be back to her old ways again.

Since my last blog we have been 'physically close' only once. My reward was a brief cuddle - no kissing allowed - and a suck/lick of one of her breasts, her reward was to use me as a masturbation aid, and as usual she said "I didn't do anything if you thought I did". Nice.

I, as usual, got nothing else.

Why oh why have I been so utterly bloody stupid? For at least the last 10 years she's just been messing me around because she knows I won't leave and I won't give up trying.

Well that is until now. She's treated me badly and I've still stayed with her regardless.

Well not any more.

It's clear from everything she says or does, that the emotional, affectionate and physical part of our relationship has been over for years, but I've been just far too stupid to see it. I've tried and tried and tried to rebuild things between us, but nothing has ever worked.

But now I realise that I'm just wasting my time.

It doesn't and will never matter what I do to win her back, nothing is ever going to work.

I can't ever win her back.

Why?

Because she DOESN'T want to be won back!

Remember I've said before that she likes to be in control? And she has been, big time. I've been like a dog on a lead.

I have now officially given up. I am no longer going to try to maintain or save our relationship, affectionately, emotionally, or physically. It's been a one-sided relationship with me doing all the work, because I wanted to and I felt I had to. If she cared, she would be fighting as well. But she isn't and hasn't.

She is the one who is letting our relationship flounder, and she is the one who has effectively already left our marriage, not me. It's time now I stopped letting her make me feel that I'm responsible for it.

Oh, it really, really hurt to type that. But the only person who can win back Mrs NH is herself. She's got to WANT to be in our relationship with me. And at the moment she's showing only too clearly that she doesn't want to be. It's just convenient. Staying together, with me fighting to keep us together, means she doesn't have to think about her future, it's all my problem.

So, I've decided that as I can never get her to talk to me properly, that I'm going to write her a letter.

I'm going to plainly set out how I feel, how angry she's made me feel and how what she does, especially her constant rejection, makes me feel.

I'm going to simply tell her that if she wants our marriage to survive then it's up to her now to do ALL the work.

It's now up to Mrs NH to win ME back.

I'm sure some of you are going to say that I'm navigating into difficult waters, and this letter could be the first step towards the end of our marriage.

I fully appreciate this, but I've got to the point of no return and with every day that passes my feelings, physically at least, for her are dying. I can't go on giving my everything and getting nothing, not even a simple kiss, in return.

I've still no intention of leaving her, or divorcing her. If she wants that then SHE is going to have to do the work for it. I'm not walking away, she's going to have to force me to go, or accept that our relationship is now purely platonic. Something she suggested herself last year...

I really will appreciate all your comments...

Friday, 13 August 2010

Obsessions... and distractions

We all have obsessions. Some we have all the time. So come and go. Some need medical help, if they become OCDs...

I'm not talking about Mrs NH. To be honest I've been a bit distracted from her since my last blog (there is something to say there, but it'll keep for the next blog). In fact I've been more than just a bit distracted. I've been VERY distracted.

And no, Mrs NH doesn't have any obsessions and she hasn't said I've got any (that she knows about...!!).

But I am obsessed. I'm obsessed.

I'm obsessed with a woman.

A stunning, gorgeous woman.

A stunning, gorgeous woman at work...

A stunning, gorgeous, beautiful YOUNG woman...

A stunning, gorgeous, beautiful YOUNG woman at work...

Oh, where do I start?

Is this my mid-life crisis?

Or it is just the result of how things are between Mrs NH and I?

She's a beautiful 26 year old woman! What am I doing?

It all started when I got assigned a piece of work. I needed to know some information so rang her boss, the guy who's supposed to be dealing with it. he quickly fobbed me off and told me to talk to this woman who I'd never heard of before.

I rang her up. She seemed nice enough. We quickly built a good rapport between us, found we had a similar sense of humour and taste in music... I thought she was probably in her 40s. Most of the people I deal with in our company are either in their 40s or 30s at best, so I never once imagined she was 26 - not half my age, but old enough, theoretically at least, to be my daughter... Oh God.

After we'd been working - via the phone - for a while I got curious. We have an internal phone directory where you can, if you want to, put up a photo of yourself. I used to have one on there but I took it off as it was so old, I had hair!

I looked her up. Up pops a photo. A photo of a beautiful, gorgeous red-headed young woman. And I kept looking at it.

I was to say the least a bit shocked. But then I felt something. I was... I was in... I was in... lust.

I just can't get the image of her out of my head. It's there all day, and all night. Every time she rings me I pull her photo up. Every time I've got a spare moment I'm looking at her photo.

When she calls me it's really difficult. All I can think of is what I'd like to do to her, and I'm really worried I'm going to say something at the very least, very unprofessional.

To make matters worse I idly searched for her on Facebook. And there she was. No security on her profile so I could see and read everything. Photos, showing her as being much more beautiful than the head-and-shoulders only photo at work do. She has an amazing body. And lovely legs. And legs. And legs. And legs. Did I mention her amazing legs? Oh god, I need help!

It was on Facebook that I found out she was only 26. And she has a boyfriend. Why oh why does she have to have a boyfriend? But then she's in London... but he's not!! And they don't exactly seem to talk to each other much on Facebook either, about once a month if that. Seems to be a relationship with a big distance in it.

I feel... I feel... I feel... like a dirty old man. But at the same time we get on so well she makes me feel good. When I speak to her I come off the phone smiling, or grinning. Oh god it's hard. Very hard when I've come off the phone from her and I have to talk to Mrs NH.

To make matters worse I idly searched the social networking predecessors to Facebook, for her as well. Bebo and Myspace.

And there she was again. Beautiful. Gorgeous. A little younger. What am I doing to myself!

I feel like a stalker, but I can't help myself. I am in lust. I'll let you all imagine what I want to do with her if we were alone... Thank god I'm unlikely to meet her in person in the next few months, even though London is so close. It'd be embarrassing, not for her, but for me!

I haven't had the heart to tell her my age though and I feel quite bad. She my have an image of me as some young-ish hunk, when I'm a normal ageing bloke the wrong side of 45.

And if all that's not enough, I should mention what started all this stalking behaviour.

Remember the Austrian student I mentioned back in Work, Play, Trends and Surprises? Well I searched about for her and found her. Why oh why did I do that?

On Facebook. My Facebook account. The one Mrs NH sees my activity on through her Facebook. What am I thinking of? Why did I send her a friend request?

And yes she's become 'a friend'.

I think I'm obessed.

Am I obsessed?

I'm certainly distracted.

Friday, 30 July 2010

And after the flood came..

... Firstly hot weather. And lots of it. Living in a modern house in the south east of the UK it's been unbearably hot for weeks now, almost since my last blog post. So that's for about a month now. With temperatures inside the house being in the top 20s C or low 30s C it's taken it's toll on both myself and Mrs NH. I'm sure someone will suggest we get a fan, but we've got loads, almost one for every room and they don't improve things much! Modern energy efficient houses are great in the winter, especially the last one we had, but when we have a heatwave...

And secondly came...

What you get with hot weather. A drought.
Now I'll happily give Mrs NH the benefit of doubt while the weather has been at it's hottest, as to be totally honest even though I might have been 'in the mood', it's just been too hot and sticky for it.

Well at least until this week. This week has been quite nice and while temperatures have been in the low-20s C, there's also been a very nice cool fresh breeze with it. So once again I've tried to re-engage with Mrs NH, but I'm not sure why I've bothered.

Before we had the heat wave Mrs NH and I were at the very minimum, engaging in some sort of foreplay at least once a day, and often seriously in the morning and at night. Actual sex had improved massively since my last blog, and we talked about why I was having problems. Some nights we even made love twice, and I did manage a couple of times to orgasm normally. I was quite blunt during our conversations and told Mrs NH that my lack of response to her was because I believed I'd "lost her", and that she just didn't want me physically any more (nad hadn't for more years than I want to remember). Things seemed as if they were going really well between us and all the barriers seemed to be falling away as we became more open with each other and more sexual, at any time of the day.

Mrs NH even apologised to me - she said she "was sorry", she realised that she "had neglected me" and even admitted that she'd "pushed me away". In one way it was nice to hear her talk and be honest with me, but then on the other hand it really hurt - here she was, admitting that she'd knowingly pushed me away and deliberately created the gap between us.

Too good to last?

So back to now, back to today. We've had virtually zero physical contact and virtually zero intimacy since about a week after my last blog, so simply put, for most of July. The weather must take the bulk of the blame, but trying to get even slightly physical with Mrs NH has led to just a re-run of where we've already been before, time and time again:

Touch her arm - "get off, leave me alone"
Attempted goodnight kiss on the cheek - "go away" or strategic turning/rolling away
Trying to engage in a gentle cuddle - pushed away.

And none of that is even remotely sexual.

So what now? I really don't know. I don't feel hurt by it though as I honestly expected this to happen. Time for another chat I think.

Friday, 18 June 2010

After the Famine came the...

Wow, I really can't believe it's over a month since I last blogged. Work has been and still is incredibly busy, in fact too busy to be honest. Often I feel as if I just don't have time to think, let alone a spare moment or two for reflection on life.

Anyway, I've quickly knocked together this blog because of the sea change that seems to be happening between myself and Mrs NH. As regular and long term readers will know things between us have been... well there hasn't really been anything between us for years now, not even a simple cuddle, and that's despite my hardest efforts to both talk to Mrs NH about it and act on it.

Well that was until last week, and as the saying goes, "after the famine came the..

Flood

And I mean a sexual flood.

All of a sudden Mrs NH seems to have found her sex drive, libido, whatever you want to call it.

And I mean she's found it. We've gone from zero physical and sexual contact to full blown sex overnight! Cuddles and kisses are not just accepted they're being offered! Not only that but sometimes we're having sex twice or more in a single night... In fact in the last week we've only had one night were we weren't having sex, although we did cuddle, and that was purely because we were both so tired!

Now I'm sure you're all very happy for me and pleased that things have finally changed, but I'm afraid it's not quite that simple. Some of you might recall that around Xmas time Mrs NH just didn't turn me on and my reaction to her was nothing. Well despite my mind being in overdrive my body hasn't been, and although Mrs NH has got what she wanted every time, my body isn't quite so keen. Sadly sometimes I just can't get hard and the few times when I do I can't orgasm or ejaculate.

To be fair to Mrs NH she's been very sympathetic and supportive. I've been honest with her that I felt and to an extent still do, that she didn't want me, at least not in a sexual or physical way. She's been trying very hard to get me turned on and we've had some very long chats which have covered things I never thought she bring up. She has asked me what turns me on and what she can do, and although I've told her oral does, oral to me is still off the menu, although she has let my mouth have a brief and very welcome visit between her legs, something I've not been allowed to do for years.

She's even broached a subject that just a few months ago I would have jumped at the opportunity of - she actually asked me if I wanted a 'fuck buddy' and if having one would turn me on!! Of course given her new found sex drive I told her I didn't, I'm still shocked at her suggesting it to me and more or less giving me her permission to have one if, err, thing don't 'perk up'! And not wanting to appear selfish in any way I have offered her the same option, especially if I keep failing to perform...

The other turn on I admitted to was anal play. She hasn't completely dismissed it, except for saying that "putting it in there would hurt". I told her that she wouldn't know unless she tried, and in our love making following that discussion she was happy to encourage me to rub myself around her anus, and while we made love I deliberately fingered her there and got no complaints! That sex session got me to orgasm even if I didn't ejaculate.

We'll have to see if this lasts though. Certainly Mrs NH is sex mad at present, and she's admitted that while she doesn't know why she feels like it suddenly, all she can think about is me and sex! Certainly in the bedroom she had become very uninhibited, and I just hope it lasts.

Well until next time...

Monday, 10 May 2010

Work, Work, Work!

Yes, the main reason I haven't had much time for blogging or Tweeting recently. I know this isn't the blog post I had promised, but it is still relevant to my situation. I will write a proper blog entry soon though. I don't want to give too much away until then.

At work my colleague and I have enough to do to see us through the next two months on a rolling basis with no let up in demand on the horizon. Now I know given the state of the world's economies that I should be happy that I'm in such demand, I'm finding it a bit wearing to be honest, and I never seem to get a break from it to do anything, least of all anything remotely sexual.


My 'Harem'...

That said, one work related thing I have been doing is growing my contacts on LinkedIn, with some 'interesting' results If you haven't come across LinkedIn, then the best way to describe it is a professional Facebook and Twitter combined together.

I haven't actually been on it very long, joining just before Christmas last year, but since then I've built up over 100 current and old contacts, much to the amazement of some of my current colleagues who had me down as some sort of Billy-no-mates 'old geezer' with no friends.

And the amazement of colleagues goes even further - as one of them pointed out to me - over a third of my contacts are women! This has coma as something of a bit of a surprise to both me, and my mainly male colleagues...

I'm quite enjoying the attention and 'reputation' it's brought me though. One young colleague has nicknamed me 'The Lothario', while another has called all the women I have as contacts my 'Harem'. Suddenly I've gone from being a boring old IT techie to being seen as some sort of stud!

Now I've always thought I got on reasonably well with women at work, but clearly I do it better than I ever thought, and definitely better than most of my male colleagues. Sadly though none of the women I have as contacts have ever become sexual conquests (although there is a few I would liked to have conquered!), but I'm not going to let reality get in the way of rumour or speculation about me...

One of the young ladies (well she is at the very least 10 years younger than me) is now very high up in our company (a Director), so high she's seen as a bit of a god to those down at my level in the business. Having her as a contact seems to have got my boss and his boss just a little bit concerned too! Ah, friends in high places!

They keep trying to find out how I know her, but all I'll say is that "I worked with her once". Which is true - it was when she was a young graduate trainee fresh into the business well over 10 years ago. At the time she was struggling to understand the business and very few of my then colleagues wanted to help her (most deliberately didn't help her). But I did, and to be totally honest I probably helped her a bit too much, so much so that I probably helped her get to where she is now. That said, given the effect having her name in my contacts has had I'm glad that I did though, and that have her as a contact, she may well be useful in the future!

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Back to Nothing...

Before I start I'd like to thank all of my readers who have taken the time and effort to provide comments on my blog. I'm aware that I haven't replied to many of them yet, but I intend to in a future blog.

Back to Nothing...

Back to nothing...

Felt I had to write this short blog as things with Mrs NH have deteriorated. My last blog covered up to mid-Feb and it's now the end of March, so about 6 weeks has passed.

Well 'dragged' would be a better description.

In those 6 weeks weeks Mrs NH has come up with some very inventive excuses to prevent anything but very limited physical contact. Colds, aches, pains, headaches, "I'm tired", you name it, I've heard it. I've even bluntly said to her that if she doesn't want to be physical with me then is OK and I'd rather she was honest. No prizes for the reception that got.

Only once have we had anything that might be considered sexual, the result of a brief morning cuddle. It finished with Mrs NH rubbing herself very consciously against my hard cock until she came loudly and collapsed on me, only to be followed by Mrs NH declaring "I didn't do anything if you think I did..."! Oh really.... she could have fooled me. And the large wet stain she left on me told the truth...

More worryingly the physical elements of rejection are starting again. Quite a few times now she's physically pushed me away and even hit me, just for trying to snuggle up to her in bed. I'm seriously beginning to wonder why I'm putting up with it, or indeed why I'm even bothering. I've even said as much to her and of course that brings a little bit of ego massaging from her, but the novelty of it is wearing thin.

The only other notable thing that's happened is Mrs NH admitting she likes to be 'in control'. Well she never used to be so I don't why she's developed this trait now - if she thinks that controlling me by denying me physical affection is a good thing, then she's just plain wrong.

Lastly I suppose is her seeming fascination with people who have had mistresses, for example the recent TV programme about King Edward VII. To say I'm confused is an understatement - either she wants to be physical with me, or she doesn't. And if she doesn't just tell me!! I can and have taken the hints, and I'd happily now take a mistress (i.e. get back in touch with Kelly) if it means an easier life with Mrs NH and a sex life for me.

It's not even 6 months since our last 'honest conversation', but it looks like Easter is going to be time for another one...