The Day I'll Not Forget

Saturday 24th October 2009.

Seemingly just like any other day. Like many other Autumn days. A day when people go about there normal business, a weekend when friends and families enjoy themselves.

A day when I when I got an answer to a question I'd not even asked.

A day when I, very reluctantly, agreed to one I was asked.


Saturday Morning

Saturday morning. 24th October 2009. A day and date I will now always remember. For all the wrong reasons. The day when I finally cracked open Mrs NH's rock hard protective shell.

It all started quite innocently with Mrs NH and I in bed. My hand accidentally (honest!) strayed across and brushed her soft, delicate body.

Her reaction?

To hit me. Physically. Accompanied by the words "get off me and leave me alone".

I was stunned. I hadn't even made a move on her. I was still half asleep.

I whispered "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch you".

"Just leave me alone, I've told you I don't want sex" came the reply.

"But I don't want sex" I said. OK I was lying, sex would have been nice, but realistically the chances of it happening were probably less than minus one.

"I've told you, just leave me alone" came back the reply. I'd now woken up and I hesitated to ask "What have I done?" and continued with an innocent "Can't we just try to cuddle for one minute?"

Wrong thing to say I think. It was met by a barrage of anger. Stupidly I tried to reason with her, I don't know why, but I did.

"Look, can't we just try to talk about this? I've been trying all summer but you just won't talk to me will you? Just be honest with me for once please? I don't want to argue, I really don't want to argue about this".

More anger. I can't remember the words, they just flowed past me.

Then she started. "All you ever want is sex. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex."

"But we haven't had proper sex for probably over two years!"

"Oh so what!" was her well thought out response, "You just want sex. It's all about sex".

"I don't want sex. I'd be just happy with a cuddle" I said innocently. "I can't help that I love you. I can't help that I want to touch you, I can't help it that my body still wants sex sometimes". I blurted.

"Well I don't want it OK? I don't want you touching me, can't you understand that. I've never liked sex, I've never enjoyed sex and I don't want a physical relationship".

After over 22 years of marriage and a relationship of almost 26 years, now she tells me this?


Oh Shit. I really can't think of any other way of saying it.


All the raised voices by now had disturbed our teen, who was stirring in her room next door.

"Do you want a divorce?" I asked. "I asked you if you wanted a divorce in the summer and you said no. If you want a divorce you can have one, I don't want anything, all I want is you how you used to be" I offered.

No, you're wrong - she said "no", she didn't want a divorce.

"All I want is for you to leave me alone. I don't want you to touch me. I don't want a physical relationship anymore".

"OK" I said.

"No you're not listening" she said. "I want you to agree that we're not having a physical relationship anymore" she continued.

Very reluctantly I quietly said "OK. You don't want a physical relationship anymore. I'll have to accept that. I still love you".

"Good" came the reply. "Now just leave me alone"

"What's going on, what are you two arguing about?" came from a sleepy teenager.

"Oh nothing, nothing to bother you" was my reply.

Then we all got up and had breakfast.


Saturday Afternoon

Somehow, after all that Mrs NH and I were on very reasonable speaking terms. She seemed brighter and I was beginning to feel like a weight was being lifted from my shoulders. And she'd told me quite categorically that the decay in our relationship wasn't down to me.

We went to another town about 20 miles away as Mrs NH wanted to do some shopping. In the end we didn't actually buy much, just talked. But not about our relationship, except for me slipping in a quick "Thank you for being honest this morning".

I started to feel better in my self. I've spent more than two years internalising all the pain I felt and now it was gone.

I also realised that now I'd accepted her wish I could look at other women without worrying about Mrs NH spotting me doing it... after all if she wants nothing physical from me I can now look at whatever I want. And I did. It was really liberating. I saw some more lovely legs, some brilliant bums, some absolutely wonderful breasts and plenty of cleavage. I felt a bit like a naughty schoolboy!

Of course the big question remains unanswered - I've not had the opportunity to broach that subject yet.

But then I realised that the balance of power in our relationship has shifted.

I'm now firmly in control. She's lost her power of withholding sex over me.

She's the one who's told me quite clearly that she doesn't want sex.
In divorce court speak she's the one doing "unreasonable behaviour".

Not that I want a divorce of course.

In fact I don't now even have to ask the question, do I?

I'm just going to tell her that "I've accepted us not having a physical relationship anymore. But I told you I want a sex life. I going to do what you told me to do and find it somewhere else".

If she doesn't agree then it's time to mention that 'no sex = divorce'.

And she doesn't want that. Does she?