The Neglected Husband

6 Months

2011-03-10T07:05:00.000-08:00

Wow. Yes. Almost 6 Months since my last blog. Where has that time gone?

Work has become almost unbearable. There is just some much work and so few of us to do it all. Part of the reason that I've taken the opportunity to Blog today is that my colleague is leaving. If you've read my Blogs you know that for some time now it's been just me and him. Well soon it'll just be me. Not good.

But hey That's not why you're reading this is it? You all want to know what's happened between Mrs NH and me since my last Blog almost 6 months ago...

The Letter

Ah, yes 'The Letter'. The one I'd written so many times in my head, and the one I'd written on my PC many times but never printed. The letter I actually finished, ready to print to give to Mrs NH.

But I never did.

Not long after my last Blog Mrs NH changed.

It was almost as if she'd READ my blog. READ my blog and realised who The Neglected Husband was. Almost as if she knew Mr NH was ME, her husband!

The Change?

I've no idea what caused Mrs NH to change. No idea why she did change. No idea why after all these years she suddenly, merely a few weeks after my last Blog, became a sexual animal again.

Like I say, there I was still expecting the same Mrs NH. Preparing myself for 'The Letter' and if I'm totally honest, preparing myself for the worst. I was readying myself for a potential break-up of our marriage and even divorce.

Then Mrs NH suddenly changed. One night, a weekday, not even a weekend, she suddenly because very amorous. She was a highly charged sexual being. I was honestly totally confused, I mean where did this suddenly come from?

It started after we'd both had baths. Usually I kept away from Mrs NH as she seemed to hate me being around when she was bathing. This night she actually asked me to be there. She gave me a little show... and ahem, a 'helping hand' too through my clothes.

To say I was confused, puzzled, whatever you want to call it is an understatement. It was a bit like a dream, almost as if it wasn't happening.

By the time I'd had my bath Mrs NH was in bed, with her night wear on. I remember muttering some comment and thought nothing of it. I believed I'd had my 'treat' for now and it was back to normal again, a flash in the pan...

But then she shocked me.

I'd got into bed beside her when she leant forward and asked me if I wanted to play with her breasts...

Uh, what? Did I hear that right?

She sat forward in the bed and asked me again. Yes I had heard it right!

Somewhat shocked I gently started to touch her from the front... I'd almost forgotten what to do and just how good her tits felt... Then she turned away from me.

"Oh great, what have I done" I thought, as my hands fell away.

"try it like this " she said as she guided a hand back to her breast so I was behind her. My other hand reached for the other breast and I started to play.

Mrs NH was clearly starting to enjoy this! I thought to myself I how lucky I was just doing this when shock number two happened.

And I still can't believe she did it now as I'm writing this.

Mrs NH bent over and started to kiss me. Well not me as in my lips and mouth.
She was kissing my cock!

Ok it was through my night wear, but Mrs NH was kissing my cock. kissing my cock for the first time in well over a decade.

Of course this sent me wild and my body 'responded' shall we say, as I carried on playing with her tits.
Feeling very confident I slipped my hands under her top so I was touching her skin. Her nipples where like peanuts, they were so hard as I played with them.

Then came shock three. My NH slipped my cock out and began to lick it.

Oh. My. God.

I began to think I was dreaming. This couldn't be real. I must be asleep having a vivid dream.

No, no, no. This was real...
It was real Ok, 'cos Mrs NH stopped licking and kissing. Damn, have I done something?

I carried on playing with her tits, running my hands down her curves to her crotch... trying to open her legs...

Then she let me in... While I didn't have skin to skin contact it was obvious she was *really* turned on. It didn't take much of this before I got...

Shock four.

Wow.

Did she really just do that?

Without any warning Mrs NH had got my cock out again, but this time she took it straight into her mouth!!!

Oh my god, oh my god! "this can't be happening" is all I could think.

But it was.

I slipped my hand down between her legs inside her nightwear, touched her mound and she jumped. My hand explored and then came shock five. She was very trimmed. Not totally smooth, but trimmed. My hand found her clit and as I explored more I discovered that her wetness highlighted that her pussy from her clit downwards was totally smooth. OMG. Again.

As I continued to explore she continued to suck... Then she stopped.

"Oh no" I thought. But she got up on her knees, pulled off her top and dropped her bottoms. She grabbed me, lifted me up and pulled off my bottoms. I was naked from the waist down.

She came up and kissed me on the mouth. This is the Mrs NH who before would NEVER have sucked me and then kissed me. She kissed down my body, back to where she'd been. My hands quickly found her tits, and the other hand her pussy. With her on her knees over me her tits where gently swinging against my chest as she sucked.

My hand explored her wet pussy, sliding up and down. I reached over and started to kiss her leg, trying to reach for her lovely thighs. I could think of nothing else but wanting to bury my head between her legs.

I gently tried to pull her around and she moved without a fuss, still sucking and kissing me. I could almost reach her pussy...

Shock number six. without me even doing anything she swung her leg over me...
She presented in front of my face a lovely soaking wet pussy. Tentatively I began to lick.
Mrs NH squirmed. She tasted wonderful. Boy had I missed that beautiful taste.
I buried my head in her pussy, licking, nibbling, teasing her clit, exploring her folds. Mmmm...
And she was still sucking, licking.

"Is this really not a dream?" I thought. But it wasn't.

I felt her pull away from me. She grabbed a condom and put it on me. Mrs NH never put condoms on me, that was always my job! Shock seven.

She moved around and mounted me. And for the first time in I don't know how long we made mad, passionate love. And we FUCKED, like animals.
I'm not sure how we kept going as long as we did, but we did. But eventually we both came together... and I felt her muscles on my cock like I hadn't in years... I exploded.

We lay together for I don't know how long. It was hours.
It took me a long time, but I told her that I thought I'd lost her forever. She told me I hadn't and that "I'm back".

Was she? Was it all just a one off? Has she really changed? Or did something make her do it?

Well you'll have to wait for my next Blog... But there is lots to tell and lots to catch up on...

Unhealthy tensions, Time for decisions?

2010-09-23T04:55:00.000-07:00

Well that hasn't gone well. From famine to flood and back to famine all within less than 3 months. Although I have to say I'm not actually surprised.

Since my last blog outing I've tried to enamour myself with Mrs NH. I've done everything she wants me to do domestically, and I've tried to contain all my feelings of frustration, both sexual and otherwise between us.

I've been very careful when trying to approach her, completely missing obvious moments when I could try to touch her, caress her, hug her.

Sadly it's all been somewhat of a waste of time. When I have approached her it's as if she's got radar sensors. I get to within 6 inches of her and all the defence mechanism kicks in again - "leave me alone", a curt "don't!" or the worst put down of all, "get off me!". I've told her before that her reactions make me sound like a rapist, not a husband. Sometimes it's not only words either. In bed here favourite 'weapon' is her elbows. And sometimes it really hurts - physically.

We seem to be going around the same old circle again, going over the same old ground from a year ago, or even the year before that. Night after night I try to instigate a simple, innocent cuddle or a goodnight kiss, but I'm met with the usual aggressive rejection. Frankly I've had quite enough of that sort of behaviour and I could easily let my emotions loose, but I've thought that emotional gunfire isn't a good option. Instead I've stayed quiet, well mostly.

Mrs NH has started up her "you could have a new wife/woman" type comments again. Previously I would have countered these with "no I don't want a new wife/woman, I want the one I've got/you", but now I've started playing the same game. When Mrs NH says "you could have a new wife" I just reply back " you could have a new husband". It's not really having much of an effect but it certainly cuts short the conversation because I'm throwing her the line to respond to. Which she doesn't. I never get a "I don't want a new husband..."

Sadly, I've now finally, come to my senses.

I've realised what's been staring me in the face for years. It's so obvious that I just couldn't see it. And I'm sure that I'm sure some of you will tell me "told you so" and I didn't listen.

Last year proved that the only time Mrs NH is willing to put any effort into saving the physical, affectionate and emotional elements of our relationship is when she thinks they are under threat. It happened last year when I gave her my ultimatum that we either started having a sex life or I looked elsewhere.

What have I realised? Well that Mrs NH isn't bothered about our relationship firstly, as long as she's happy and secondly if it's not under threat. I've also realised that it's ONLY ME that's doing all the work to save, or reignite our marriage. Anything Mrs NH has done has only been when she's realised it's under threat.

During these last few months though I've also stopped being angry about all this (although you may all be thinking that this blog is a bit angry - it probably is but it's the only outlet I have!).
I'm now at the point where I hate to admit that I just don't care any more. I've done everything I feel I could have done, I've done all I can do, and I just can't do any more. I'm too tired to keep going around the same old circle.

I feel that I've spent years trying to save what we have, to rebuild our relationship, to reignite our sex life. And at the same time Mrs NH has done nothing. Zilch.
Unless I gave her an ultimatum.
And even then, looking back, she just did the bare minimum she felt she needed to do make me happy, and as soon as she could it'd be back to her old ways again.

Since my last blog we have been 'physically close' only once. My reward was a brief cuddle - no kissing allowed - and a suck/lick of one of her breasts, her reward was to use me as a masturbation aid, and as usual she said "I didn't do anything if you thought I did". Nice.

I, as usual, got nothing else.

Why oh why have I been so utterly bloody stupid? For at least the last 10 years she's just been messing me around because she knows I won't leave and I won't give up trying.

Well that is until now. She's treated me badly and I've still stayed with her regardless.

Well not any more.

It's clear from everything she says or does, that the emotional, affectionate and physical part of our relationship has been over for years, but I've been just far too stupid to see it. I've tried and tried and tried to rebuild things between us, but nothing has ever worked.

But now I realise that I'm just wasting my time.

It doesn't and will never matter what I do to win her back, nothing is ever going to work.

I can't ever win her back.

Why?

Because she DOESN'T want to be won back!

Remember I've said before that she likes to be in control? And she has been, big time. I've been like a dog on a lead.

I have now officially given up. I am no longer going to try to maintain or save our relationship, affectionately, emotionally, or physically. It's been a one-sided relationship with me doing all the work, because I wanted to and I felt I had to. If she cared, she would be fighting as well. But she isn't and hasn't.

She is the one who is letting our relationship flounder, and she is the one who has effectively already left our marriage, not me. It's time now I stopped letting her make me feel that I'm responsible for it.

Oh, it really, really hurt to type that. But the only person who can win back Mrs NH is herself. She's got to WANT to be in our relationship with me. And at the moment she's showing only too clearly that she doesn't want to be. It's just convenient. Staying together, with me fighting to keep us together, means she doesn't have to think about her future, it's all my problem.

So, I've decided that as I can never get her to talk to me properly, that I'm going to write her a letter.

I'm going to plainly set out how I feel, how angry she's made me feel and how what she does, especially her constant rejection, makes me feel.

I'm going to simply tell her that if she wants our marriage to survive then it's up to her now to do ALL the work.

It's now up to Mrs NH to win ME back.

I'm sure some of you are going to say that I'm navigating into difficult waters, and this letter could be the first step towards the end of our marriage.

I fully appreciate this, but I've got to the point of no return and with every day that passes my feelings, physically at least, for her are dying. I can't go on giving my everything and getting nothing, not even a simple kiss, in return.

I've still no intention of leaving her, or divorcing her. If she wants that then SHE is going to have to do the work for it. I'm not walking away, she's going to have to force me to go, or accept that our relationship is now purely platonic. Something she suggested herself last year...

I really will appreciate all your comments...

Obsessions... and distractions

2010-08-13T09:01:00.000-07:00

We all have obsessions. Some we have all the time. So come and go. Some need medical help, if they become OCDs...

I'm not talking about Mrs NH. To be honest I've been a bit distracted from her since my last blog (there is something to say there, but it'll keep for the next blog). In fact I've been more than just a bit distracted. I've been VERY distracted.

And no, Mrs NH doesn't have any obsessions and she hasn't said I've got any (that she knows about...!!).

But I am obsessed. I'm obsessed.

I'm obsessed with a woman.

A stunning, gorgeous woman.

A stunning, gorgeous woman at work...

A stunning, gorgeous, beautiful YOUNG woman...

A stunning, gorgeous, beautiful YOUNG woman at work...

Oh, where do I start?

Is this my mid-life crisis?

Or it is just the result of how things are between Mrs NH and I?

She's a beautiful 26 year old woman! What am I doing?

It all started when I got assigned a piece of work. I needed to know some information so rang her boss, the guy who's supposed to be dealing with it. he quickly fobbed me off and told me to talk to this woman who I'd never heard of before.

I rang her up. She seemed nice enough. We quickly built a good rapport between us, found we had a similar sense of humour and taste in music... I thought she was probably in her 40s. Most of the people I deal with in our company are either in their 40s or 30s at best, so I never once imagined she was 26 - not half my age, but old enough, theoretically at least, to be my daughter... Oh God.

After we'd been working - via the phone - for a while I got curious. We have an internal phone directory where you can, if you want to, put up a photo of yourself. I used to have one on there but I took it off as it was so old, I had hair!

I looked her up. Up pops a photo. A photo of a beautiful, gorgeous red-headed young woman. And I kept looking at it.

I was to say the least a bit shocked. But then I felt something. I was... I was in... I was in... lust.

I just can't get the image of her out of my head. It's there all day, and all night. Every time she rings me I pull her photo up. Every time I've got a spare moment I'm looking at her photo.

When she calls me it's really difficult. All I can think of is what I'd like to do to her, and I'm really worried I'm going to say something at the very least, very unprofessional.

To make matters worse I idly searched for her on Facebook. And there she was. No security on her profile so I could see and read everything. Photos, showing her as being much more beautiful than the head-and-shoulders only photo at work do. She has an amazing body. And lovely legs. And legs. And legs. And legs. Did I mention her amazing legs? Oh god, I need help!

It was on Facebook that I found out she was only 26. And she has a boyfriend. Why oh why does she have to have a boyfriend? But then she's in London... but he's not!! And they don't exactly seem to talk to each other much on Facebook either, about once a month if that. Seems to be a relationship with a big distance in it.

I feel... I feel... I feel... like a dirty old man. But at the same time we get on so well she makes me feel good. When I speak to her I come off the phone smiling, or grinning. Oh god it's hard. Very hard when I've come off the phone from her and I have to talk to Mrs NH.

To make matters worse I idly searched the social networking predecessors to Facebook, for her as well. Bebo and Myspace.

And there she was again. Beautiful. Gorgeous. A little younger. What am I doing to myself!

I feel like a stalker, but I can't help myself. I am in lust. I'll let you all imagine what I want to do with her if we were alone... Thank god I'm unlikely to meet her in person in the next few months, even though London is so close. It'd be embarrassing, not for her, but for me!

I haven't had the heart to tell her my age though and I feel quite bad. She my have an image of me as some young-ish hunk, when I'm a normal ageing bloke the wrong side of 45.

And if all that's not enough, I should mention what started all this stalking behaviour.

Remember the Austrian student I mentioned back in Work, Play, Trends and Surprises? Well I searched about for her and found her. Why oh why did I do that?

On Facebook. My Facebook account. The one Mrs NH sees my activity on through her Facebook. What am I thinking of? Why did I send her a friend request?

And yes she's become 'a friend'.

I think I'm obessed.

Am I obsessed?

I'm certainly distracted.

And after the flood came..

2010-07-30T08:12:00.000-07:00

... Firstly hot weather. And lots of it. Living in a modern house in the south east of the UK it's been unbearably hot for weeks now, almost since my last blog post. So that's for about a month now. With temperatures inside the house being in the top 20s C or low 30s C it's taken it's toll on both myself and Mrs NH. I'm sure someone will suggest we get a fan, but we've got loads, almost one for every room and they don't improve things much! Modern energy efficient houses are great in the winter, especially the last one we had, but when we have a heatwave...

And secondly came...

What you get with hot weather. A drought.
Now I'll happily give Mrs NH the benefit of doubt while the weather has been at it's hottest, as to be totally honest even though I might have been 'in the mood', it's just been too hot and sticky for it.

Well at least until this week. This week has been quite nice and while temperatures have been in the low-20s C, there's also been a very nice cool fresh breeze with it. So once again I've tried to re-engage with Mrs NH, but I'm not sure why I've bothered.

Before we had the heat wave Mrs NH and I were at the very minimum, engaging in some sort of foreplay at least once a day, and often seriously in the morning and at night. Actual sex had improved massively since my last blog, and we talked about why I was having problems. Some nights we even made love twice, and I did manage a couple of times to orgasm normally. I was quite blunt during our conversations and told Mrs NH that my lack of response to her was because I believed I'd "lost her", and that she just didn't want me physically any more (nad hadn't for more years than I want to remember). Things seemed as if they were going really well between us and all the barriers seemed to be falling away as we became more open with each other and more sexual, at any time of the day.

Mrs NH even apologised to me - she said she "was sorry", she realised that she "had neglected me" and even admitted that she'd "pushed me away". In one way it was nice to hear her talk and be honest with me, but then on the other hand it really hurt - here she was, admitting that she'd knowingly pushed me away and deliberately created the gap between us.

Too good to last?

So back to now, back to today. We've had virtually zero physical contact and virtually zero intimacy since about a week after my last blog, so simply put, for most of July. The weather must take the bulk of the blame, but trying to get even slightly physical with Mrs NH has led to just a re-run of where we've already been before, time and time again:

Touch her arm - "get off, leave me alone"
Attempted goodnight kiss on the cheek - "go away" or strategic turning/rolling away
Trying to engage in a gentle cuddle - pushed away.

And none of that is even remotely sexual.

So what now? I really don't know. I don't feel hurt by it though as I honestly expected this to happen. Time for another chat I think.

After the Famine came the...

2010-06-18T08:45:00.000-07:00

Wow, I really can't believe it's over a month since I last blogged. Work has been and still is incredibly busy, in fact too busy to be honest. Often I feel as if I just don't have time to think, let alone a spare moment or two for reflection on life.

Anyway, I've quickly knocked together this blog because of the sea change that seems to be happening between myself and Mrs NH. As regular and long term readers will know things between us have been... well there hasn't really been anything between us for years now, not even a simple cuddle, and that's despite my hardest efforts to both talk to Mrs NH about it and act on it.

Well that was until last week, and as the saying goes, "after the famine came the..

Flood

And I mean a sexual flood.

All of a sudden Mrs NH seems to have found her sex drive, libido, whatever you want to call it.

And I mean she's found it. We've gone from zero physical and sexual contact to full blown sex overnight! Cuddles and kisses are not just accepted they're being offered! Not only that but sometimes we're having sex twice or more in a single night... In fact in the last week we've only had one night were we weren't having sex, although we did cuddle, and that was purely because we were both so tired!

Now I'm sure you're all very happy for me and pleased that things have finally changed, but I'm afraid it's not quite that simple. Some of you might recall that around Xmas time Mrs NH just didn't turn me on and my reaction to her was nothing. Well despite my mind being in overdrive my body hasn't been, and although Mrs NH has got what she wanted every time, my body isn't quite so keen. Sadly sometimes I just can't get hard and the few times when I do I can't orgasm or ejaculate.

To be fair to Mrs NH she's been very sympathetic and supportive. I've been honest with her that I felt and to an extent still do, that she didn't want me, at least not in a sexual or physical way. She's been trying very hard to get me turned on and we've had some very long chats which have covered things I never thought she bring up. She has asked me what turns me on and what she can do, and although I've told her oral does, oral to me is still off the menu, although she has let my mouth have a brief and very welcome visit between her legs, something I've not been allowed to do for years.

She's even broached a subject that just a few months ago I would have jumped at the opportunity of - she actually asked me if I wanted a 'fuck buddy' and if having one would turn me on!! Of course given her new found sex drive I told her I didn't, I'm still shocked at her suggesting it to me and more or less giving me her permission to have one if, err, thing don't 'perk up'! And not wanting to appear selfish in any way I have offered her the same option, especially if I keep failing to perform...

The other turn on I admitted to was anal play. She hasn't completely dismissed it, except for saying that "putting it in there would hurt". I told her that she wouldn't know unless she tried, and in our love making following that discussion she was happy to encourage me to rub myself around her anus, and while we made love I deliberately fingered her there and got no complaints! That sex session got me to orgasm even if I didn't ejaculate.

We'll have to see if this lasts though. Certainly Mrs NH is sex mad at present, and she's admitted that while she doesn't know why she feels like it suddenly, all she can think about is me and sex! Certainly in the bedroom she had become very uninhibited, and I just hope it lasts.

Well until next time...

Work, Work, Work!

2010-05-10T08:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, the main reason I haven't had much time for blogging or Tweeting recently. I know this isn't the blog post I had promised, but it is still relevant to my situation. I will write a proper blog entry soon though. I don't want to give too much away until then.

At work my colleague and I have enough to do to see us through the next two months on a rolling basis with no let up in demand on the horizon. Now I know given the state of the world's economies that I should be happy that I'm in such demand, I'm finding it a bit wearing to be honest, and I never seem to get a break from it to do anything, least of all anything remotely sexual.

My 'Harem'...

That said, one work related thing I have been doing is growing my contacts on LinkedIn, with some 'interesting' results If you haven't come across LinkedIn, then the best way to describe it is a professional Facebook and Twitter combined together.

I haven't actually been on it very long, joining just before Christmas last year, but since then I've built up over 100 current and old contacts, much to the amazement of some of my current colleagues who had me down as some sort of Billy-no-mates 'old geezer' with no friends.

And the amazement of colleagues goes even further - as one of them pointed out to me - over a third of my contacts are women! This has coma as something of a bit of a surprise to both me, and my mainly male colleagues...

I'm quite enjoying the attention and 'reputation' it's brought me though. One young colleague has nicknamed me 'The Lothario', while another has called all the women I have as contacts my 'Harem'. Suddenly I've gone from being a boring old IT techie to being seen as some sort of stud!

Now I've always thought I got on reasonably well with women at work, but clearly I do it better than I ever thought, and definitely better than most of my male colleagues. Sadly though none of the women I have as contacts have ever become sexual conquests (although there is a few I would liked to have conquered!), but I'm not going to let reality get in the way of rumour or speculation about me...

One of the young ladies (well she is at the very least 10 years younger than me) is now very high up in our company (a Director), so high she's seen as a bit of a god to those down at my level in the business. Having her as a contact seems to have got my boss and his boss just a little bit concerned too! Ah, friends in high places!

They keep trying to find out how I know her, but all I'll say is that "I worked with her once". Which is true - it was when she was a young graduate trainee fresh into the business well over 10 years ago. At the time she was struggling to understand the business and very few of my then colleagues wanted to help her (most deliberately didn't help her). But I did, and to be totally honest I probably helped her a bit too much, so much so that I probably helped her get to where she is now. That said, given the effect having her name in my contacts has had I'm glad that I did though, and that have her as a contact, she may well be useful in the future!

Back to Nothing...

2010-03-31T06:50:00.000-07:00

Before I start I'd like to thank all of my readers who have taken the time and effort to provide comments on my blog. I'm aware that I haven't replied to many of them yet, but I intend to in a future blog.

Back to Nothing...

Back to nothing...

Felt I had to write this short blog as things with Mrs NH have deteriorated. My last blog covered up to mid-Feb and it's now the end of March, so about 6 weeks has passed.

Well 'dragged' would be a better description.

In those 6 weeks weeks Mrs NH has come up with some very inventive excuses to prevent anything but very limited physical contact. Colds, aches, pains, headaches, "I'm tired", you name it, I've heard it. I've even bluntly said to her that if she doesn't want to be physical with me then is OK and I'd rather she was honest. No prizes for the reception that got.

Only once have we had anything that might be considered sexual, the result of a brief morning cuddle. It finished with Mrs NH rubbing herself very consciously against my hard cock until she came loudly and collapsed on me, only to be followed by Mrs NH declaring "I didn't do anything if you think I did..."! Oh really.... she could have fooled me. And the large wet stain she left on me told the truth...

More worryingly the physical elements of rejection are starting again. Quite a few times now she's physically pushed me away and even hit me, just for trying to snuggle up to her in bed. I'm seriously beginning to wonder why I'm putting up with it, or indeed why I'm even bothering. I've even said as much to her and of course that brings a little bit of ego massaging from her, but the novelty of it is wearing thin.

The only other notable thing that's happened is Mrs NH admitting she likes to be 'in control'. Well she never used to be so I don't why she's developed this trait now - if she thinks that controlling me by denying me physical affection is a good thing, then she's just plain wrong.

Lastly I suppose is her seeming fascination with people who have had mistresses, for example the recent TV programme about King Edward VII. To say I'm confused is an understatement - either she wants to be physical with me, or she doesn't. And if she doesn't just tell me!! I can and have taken the hints, and I'd happily now take a mistress (i.e. get back in touch with Kelly) if it means an easier life with Mrs NH and a sex life for me.

It's not even 6 months since our last 'honest conversation', but it looks like Easter is going to be time for another one...

Half-Hearted

2010-03-18T07:29:00.000-07:00

I've given this edition of my blog the title "Half-Hearted" for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, I haven't got a lot to report in the NH relationship as you'll read below, but half-hearted seems to sum it up, and secondly as a result I haven't got much to blog about otherwise, so it's going to seem a bit half-hearted...!

Mrs NH and Me

So what's been going on between Mrs NH and me since I last blogged over a month ago? Well on a positive note Mrs NH was much more conducive to having regular cuddles, either in the morning or at night, and at one point she was the one coming to cuddle me for every day for well over a week!

This sounds good, but despite this we've only had sex twice in the last month, so once every fortnight. Now don't get me wrong I do appreciate that is a massive improvement in things since this time last year, but something is still bugging me at the back of my mind. She still doesn't seem very 'keen' to have sex? And I'm beginning to wonder if the regular cuddles, which while very nice, are just a way of preventing anything more serious from happening and letting her keep control?

While we've have had sex twice, neither time was particularly satisfactory - the first time she took the initiative and surprised me by the speed she wanted to get down to it... so much so that I wasn't actually that aroused, and not that she cared! Mrs NH herself orgasmed quite quickly but then I was left trying to get my pleasure with not much help from her. Disappointing to say the least.

The second time I was very aroused and I spent some time ensuring Mrs NH was, leaving her to decide when she was ready. As it turned out she wasn't particularly in the mood and I don't feel it was good in any way for either of us.

That was over two weeks ago now, two weeks when cuddles have evaporated, physical contact is being actively shunned by Mrs NH again and she's also started making her odd comments again. Then to top it all off she got a cold and has given it to me... no chance for a while now then!

So what comments has she been making? The best one was "you're only interested in tits and pussies". I wasn't really ready for that one but I did ask "pussies, what's with the plural?". Mrs NH was quick to mutter and cease conversation with that subject! But if she says anything like that again I'm going to ensure I take advantage of it - if she's so anti-sex then the least she could do is let me get satisfaction somewhere else.

The other thing Mrs NH has been up to which I'm keeping an eagle eye one is Facebook. Or more specifically finding people she used to go to school with on Facebook. I'm not really the jealous type (after what we've been through I don't think I'd be particularly bothered if she said she was having sex with someone else, in some ways it'd be a relief) and I had no problem with her adding female friends, but she's not started adding quite a few blokes too which just makes me wonder why?

Now before you all start accusing Mrs NH of inappropriate behaviour I should point out that she's also been encouraging me to do the same, but while I've added a few blokes I knew and was pretty friendly with, I've drawn the line at adding any of the girls - as much as anything as I don't want Mrs NH accusing me of any misdemeanors, at least not at the moment...

Anyway, that's it for now, but I do intend trying to blog a bit more often if I can get the chance. As much as anything I need to respond to those of you who've read my blog and given me comments some well deserved feedback.

Mixed Messages?

2010-02-17T09:12:00.000-08:00

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back...?

Apologies my dear readers but life in the NH household has been more than a little hectic since I last blogged, but the biggest blog stopper was pre-Xmas technology failure. Not only did my 'illicit' PC that I use to blog on go faulty (hardly surprising given it's 12 years old!), but I also managed to break my trusty PDA that I use to access email and twitter at night, Just to add to this the family PC died, as did my work one. As the saying goes "it never rains but it pours".

The Two Steps Forward?
Well what can I say? Before Xmas Ms NH completely exceeded my expectations. Not only did we have regular cuddles, but we also were lovemaking night after night, indeed sometimes three times a night!

The last week before Xmas was mind blowing. Things between Mrs NH and I were going incredibly well. We seemed to have captured the sort of sexual tension between us we had before Teen NH was born. Mrs NH was being physically affectionate and open to talking about our sex life and I was welcome in the bathroom when she was taking a bath.

One bath time she was shaving various places when I teased her that she could shave her pubic hair. She joked back about the one and only time she'd been shaved down there. I'd done it, and afterwards we'd had a wonderful oral sex session in a 69. I joked that I'd like to feel her smooth again like that and she mumbled some excuse about it being itchy...

That week before Xmas things between us felt electric, and one bath time when Mrs NH was in the bathroom on her own, Mrs NH came into the bedroom with a towel around her. Slowly, very slowly, she let it slip away.

Sadly it didn't reveal a fully smooth pussy, but instead a very well trimmed one with no hair lower than her clitoris. As you can imagine I gained an instant hard-on, but with Teen NH around nothing much was going to happen! My mind was racing away with ideas about why she'd done it and what she might have in mind for me.. I was hoping that oral was back on the menu.

That night we had a very intense cuddle and eventually Mrs NH gave in an allowed my hand down there. She was soaking and with her being so smooth it wasn't long until she orgasmed on my hand.

As you can imagine the next few days were torture for me and by the Saturday before Xmas she was teasing me with flashes of her pussy whenever she could while we dressed. I jokingly said that it looked liked it need a "bit of maintenance" as stubble was starting to grow. She made some abrupt comment I can't remember and I left it at that.

Later in the morning we went out together to the local town and parked the car on the outskirts to take the country walk in. I don't remember how but somehow the conversation got back to her shaved pussy...

The next thing I know she'd said something like "what like this?" grabbed my hand and pushed it down the front of her jeans! She was soaking wet and I just couldn't help but play with her. Despite being on a public path, she stood there, kissed and hugged me and wriggled until she came...

Wow, this was not my usual Mrs NH!!

When we got to the town she wanted to buy some new underwear. While we were browsing all the practical stuff I commented that I'd really like to see her in some sexy undies. In the usual Mrs NH style she mumbled something about it "not being practical" and we went off to other shops.

Just before we were going to leave to go home Mrs NH pulled me to stop and just said "well which underwear were you interested in then?" I responded by pulling her to me tight and kissing her. I'd been hard all day and there was no way she could possibly ignore what was hard and pushing against her. The next thing I knew I felt her hand slip between us as she began to play with me!

Sadly I had to pull away to stop myself. I don't know how I did it but I managed to walk back to the shop where we browsed all the sexy undies until we agreed on something we both liked. And boy if I wasn't horny before, I definitely was now...

The tension that evening between us was incredible and I was really struggling to keep my hands off Mrs NH. By the time we got to bed I felt like I was close to bursting, but Mrs NH kept up the pressure by going to bed in her pyjamas and ignoring me. However it wasn't long before my hands got the better of her and slipped off into the bathroom to get changed.

Oh my Lord! Seeing Mrs NH come out dressed in her new sexy undies sent me wild. Somehow, and I really don't know how, we had a amazingly long foreplay session while I enjoyed feeling this new, sexy Mrs NH. Despite being hard all day I felt like I was so hard I was bursting.

Inevitably I ended up naked and Mrs NH ended up with very little of her sexy undies still on and we began to make love. As I entered her the first thing she said was "Oh my god, you feel so hard!". Obviously for a man to hear that from the woman he loves is wonderful, but the best was to come.

As we thrust away I realised that we weren't making love this time - this was hard, raw sex, we were... fucking! As this thought filled my mind Mrs NH groaned "Oh I can feel you right inside me, you're so big." I'm not sure how long we fucked for, but it was a lot longer than our usual love making sessions. Finally we both had massive orgasms. Mrs NH came so hard I could feel her muscles crushing me and I think this was the best orgasm I've ever had with Mrs NH.

Now I'm not one to brag, but I can claim to be 'above average' shall we say, and I've frequently hit Mrs NH's cervix during sex, although you wouldn't necessarily know it when I'm not erect as somehow it shrinks down to what I feel is fairly 'below average' when flaccid. I suppose I shouldn't complain as it does have the element of surprise!

Anyway, Xmas came and went, with Mrs NH and I enjoying nice cuddles and often a bit of foreplay but nothing else. By the New Year Mrs NH managed to catch 'flu, so almost everything was off the menu. This was followed by a couple of weeks limited contact, but occasional cuddling.

Then Mrs NH surprised me. One weekend we were lying in bed when she came up behind me and started to cuddle. "Hmm, that's nice" I murmured. Then I felt one of her hands on my bum. I was so relaxed I just lay there doing nothing, but slowly Mrs NH became more adventurous. Her other hand began playing with my nipples and stroking my chest while the hand on my bum began 'exploring' me through my pyjamas.

Now this was not the normal Mrs NH - normally I'm lucky if she touches my cock to put it in herself, but here was Mrs NH doing a bit of, ahem, anal play. And I was enjoying it!

The next thing I knew Mrs NH's other hand was down near my cock, lightly stroking my balls and then playing with my cock head. OMG I was putty in her hands, literally! While I was obviously not going to let this opportunity for pleasure from Mrs NH slip away, I wanted to enjoy it as much as I could without her stopping. So slowing I began to thrust against her hand with the fabric between me and her.

For the record Mrs NH has NEVER in all the time we've been together, masturbated me to orgasm. Yes she has masturbated me to get me hard, but it was only ever just a few brief clumsy strokes. I was determined that she was going to go all the way this time...

I kept thrusting gently through her hand, trying to show her how she needed to touch me. She kept trying to keep her hand on the head, but I had to keep pushing to ensure she pumped my full length. All the time we did this her other hand was still playing with my rear, sliding her fingers from just behind my balls and back past my anus.

Eventually I just couldn't cope with all this and I had a huge orgasm. I was amazed that even as I came, Mrs NH didn't move her hand as the fabric of my pyjamas got soaked with my cum.

When I stopped she whispered in my ear "did you enjoy that?". My replay was simple, "Oh my god yes". Then we had an amazing long kiss.

One Step Back?
Since then all we've really had is cuddles, or once or twice when Mrs NH has rubbed her self to orgasm against me. While I can't say she's gone back to her old ways, she has definitely become sexually and physically more distant from me again.

She also keeps joking that I need a "new wife" or a "new woman", "one that will perform". I countered that by saying that what I need is "two of you", so I've got another wife for when she's 'not in the mood'. As you'll no doubt agree this more than a bit confusing, especially after our new found lovemaking seemed to be going so well.

She's also told me that I'm "always randy", that I "need to control it" and that she "can't cope with it", but I've told her quite simply that I can't, it's the way I am, the way I feel and I really could do with another of her (or another woman...).

Mrs NH has also been unpredictable in other areas. When I've made a fairly innocent comment about a newsreader on TV looking nice (I won't say which one, but I've now got a bit of a 'thing' about her!), she's teasing me about me fancying the newsreader. Now Mrs NH of old would never have done this, but she's been positively encouraging me to look at other women... I also commented about a woman we saw while we we out one weekend (again I won't say why, but it was how she was dressed, and that's dressed well but sexily) but constantly teased me all weekend about it, even saying in bed that "I bet you'd like her in here instead of me". All I could say was that she was very attractive - I couldn't say what I really wanted to at that time, or at least I didn't think I should say...

She also told me that I'm "not normal" wanting sex so often, so I asked her when we last did it...? After some spluttering she clearly couldn't remember so I reminded her it was before Xmas, although we'd done some "other things" since. I also tactfully suggested that "once a week would be nice" and "that's normal, you can check that on the internet...". No prizes for guessing how well that went down. She also told me that maybe I "should play with yourself" or "watch something on TV late". Honestly I was gobsmacked with that, especially from the woman who has told me throughout our relationship that self masturbation is dirty/wrong!

Anyway that's where we are today. I'm just going to have to see how things go, but I've decided that if she says I need a "new wife" or a "new woman" again I'm going to tell her that I don't, but perhaps what I do need is a "sex buddy" to wear me out occasionally so I then don't pester her... perhaps now Mrs NH might start thinking that letting me off the leash is a good idea...

Wakeup Calls

2009-12-10T10:02:00.000-08:00

Wakeup Call One -Tuesday night

Tried to talk to Mrs NH. Told by her that she's not interested and she didn't care what I did. "OK" I said, "you don't care".

Wakeup Call Two - Wednesday night

Tried to talk to Mrs NH again. "I'm not interested, sex is not important" I'm told very aggressively. I snap back "OK, if you not interested then I'm going to find it somewhere else like you keep telling me too."

Now that got a reaction.

But not the one you might have expected...

Mrs NH leapt up and threatened to leave. Ooops!

Somehow I managed to diffuse the situation and we went to bed with something of an atmosphere between us. You could cut the air with a chainsaw.

Wakeup Call Three - Thursday morning while teen NH still in bed

Mrs NH still very touchy after last night. Breakfast a bit of a torture. Then she started. I got accused of wanting someone new (not true, well not really...).

I gave Mrs NH some home truths;
"You never want any physical contact, you never want intimacy." She mumbled some response. I retorted with "Well you told me you didn't want a physical relationship anymore. Is that what you want, just to be roommates?"

Silence.

"After all, you said you never liked sex and you've never enjoyed it."

Whoa! Now THAT hit a nerve.

"I never said that, you're a liar" she said. "I'm not a liar, it's what you told me". "I never said that... etc etc." Repeat and repeat until I say in a soft quiet voice, "Look, I'm not going to argue about it."

More silence...

"I can't even kiss you."
"You're the one who keeps telling me to find it somewhere else. How do you think that makes me feel?"
"When did we last properly make love?"

She said "only a month or so ago". I replied "Only a month ago? You must be joking! I've been trying to talk to you about us for the last 6 months, but you won't talk and you won't listen."

Deathly, ice cold, silence.

"I can't help it, I still have urges, I still need a sex life. I'm not even 50. Do you seriously expect me to live like a monk without sex or physical intimacy for the next 25 or 30 years?"

No answer.

"Sex is a part of marriage. If there's no sex then the marriage isn't really a marriage anymore is it? People get divorced because they don't have sex, just look at Madonna. I don't want to get divorced."

Silence.

Then unsurprisingly, our teen wakes up.

Wakeup Call Four - Thursday lunchtime

Came down for lunch. Mrs NH clearly not happy with me. Pretty obvious that teen NH knows that we're not happy with each other too. Eat lunch, but hear local radio taking about "Can a relationship survive an affair?". Thank you, Tiger Woods! Then hear our very own blogging world's 'Serial Mistress', Karen on the radio.

Mrs NH pretending to be occupied with something. , while I'm trying to help teen NH with something on the PC. All the time callers are ringing in with various tales about their relationships, the affairs and what happened. I can't help but hear it all and I'm sure Mrs NH can't either...

Getting towards the end of show a guy comes on and tells his tale of why he cheated on his wife and had an affair. "She was so tied up with the kids, family and other stuff that she neglected me. She wasn't just cold she was like a freezer towards me. We didn't have sex for over a year which is why I had an affair."

Then came what I think was the final wakeup call. It's the end of the show and they take the last caller. A woman. A woman who says it was her fault her first husband had an affair. The DJ of course said how could it be her fault when it was her husband who cheated on her? She answered "Because I neglected him. I shut him out. I wouldn't let him touch me. We never had sex. I pushed him away. I made him find sex elsewhere, and he did. It was my fault."

Having sat through that I thought to myself that if Mrs NH doesn't take any of that on board then our marriage is definitely finished. Off back to work.

The Aftermath

Thursday night

Went to bed as usual. Hadn't notice any change in Mrs NH. Just starting to drop off to sleep when I realise she is moving towards my side of the bed... Decide to ignore her. She gets closer. And closer. I've got my back towards her. I feel an arm reaching over me. I stay rigid. She begins to cuddle up very closely...

Eventually I reached and held her hand. One thing very, very, slowly led to another and we're naked. Just holding each other and kissing. Oh my god I've really missed this sort of intimacy. We fall asleep together.

Friday morning

Wake up to find Mrs NH holding me and kissing my neck. I try to kiss her back but she rolls away with her back towards me. I follow. My arms snake around her to hold her and before long one hand is caressing her breasts, the other between her legs. I feel her pushing against me as she arches her back and orgasms.

Friday night

Teen NH in bed. Mrs NH beside me. We kiss, cuddle, fondle. Before we fall asleep we've made love twice - properly making love, we're we are both satisfied.

Saturday morning

Wake up early. Realise Mrs NH also awake. Cuddle up to her. Make love again.

Sunday morning

Mrs NH starts to talk. Admits she's worried that condom might split. She's worried about that since we had one accident where the condom came off during some rather active foreplay. Try to reassure her that we've only had that one problem and that normally we are OK. Have a cuddle and kissing.

Sunday night

Make love again. I could get used to this!

Monday to Thursday

Stuff to do Monday and Tuesday so night time cuddles only. Wednesday and Thursday mornings stayed in bed even after the alarm had gone off and have some foreplay... Mrs NH ruins it though by saying "You can't just cuddle can you, it's always got to lead to something else." I tell her "It's difficult when I've got such a sexy wife beside me. I can't help it that I'm randy all the time." And that last bit is so true. Wrong side of 45 I might be, but I definitely don't need Viagra! Will she decide she can't cope with me? Is that what happened to us?

What next?

Well your guess is as good as mine. Obviously I'm hoping Mrs NH has seen the errors of her ways, but given what has happened over the past too many years I'm not going to think that we're back to normal yet. And if opportunities arise I'll be taking them without a second thought.

Reflection

2009-11-19T05:46:00.000-08:00

The events of the past week or so, which I'm not going to go into as they aren't really relevant, have made me reflect on how my wife and I have ended up where we are.

As a teenager I was somewhat unfortunate, being 'chunky' and bespectacled. Not great for confidence and as I believed at the time, not what girls wanted. My experiences with the opposite sex were obviously limited, the nearest to any sexual contact being a couple of girls groping me for a laugh, although in the Sixth Form one girl was taking a very keen interest in me just before I ended up off school with 'flu. By the time I was back she and another Sixth Former were an item. So, surviving school was a challenge, and it was a relief to say the least to go off into higher education where no-one knew who I was or any of my history and with some relatively stylish eye wear not designed by the NHS.

Higher education did open my eyes to lots of things, not least that girls/women were actually interested in more than just a boy's/man's outward appearance. While I didn't ever have a 'girl friend' in the sexual sense, I did have a friend who was a girl. She was quite exotic too, being British born but with Hong Kong Chinese parents. Although we did and were quite close the relationship never was more than platonic. A shame really as she was definitely what would be called 'cute' today and she had a lovely bum!

Once higher education was over it was out to work. Being a geeky IT bod in the 1980s was REALLY geeky, because this was the time that computers either lived in huge rooms in big companies, or in male teenagers bedrooms where they had to sit writing programmes themselves or loaded up games onto their computers from funny things called cassette tapes. The company I worked for was typical of the early 1980s, with men having the clever, techie jobs and the (usually married) women working as secretaries, admin or in very rare situations as a qualifed accountant or personnel person. Putting it bluntly there was no chance of meeting anyone at work.

It's hard to imagine now but back then before the internet it really was just a matter of chance if you met someone. Yes there were 'Dating Agencies' such as Dateline back then, but the people that used them were thought of as being 'a bit desperate'. How times have changed (and for the better!).

Anyway to cut a long story short I was asked if I wanted to go on a blind date by a friend and his girlfriend. So I went along not expecting much (that way you don't get disappointed!) and had a nice evening with them and this friend of theirs. She seemed very nice and all I could remember was that she had amazing legs (yes, legs again!). A couple of weeks later we repeated it, then I plucked up the courage to ask the young lady in question if she'd go out with me without our mutual friends. And she said yes...

We had a nice evening and she'd come along in some skin-tight jeans. I couldn't take my eyes off her! Amazingly (to me anyway) by the end of that date we'd kissed. It was electric.

And if you haven't guessed it yet, this was the future Mrs NH.

It wasn't long before we found ourselves alone one evening in her parents house and shall we say we got carried away in the heat of the moment. We didn't have intercourse, but I did give her oral sex. It was simply mind blowing to me, and after all I was still a virgin and I was past 20.

As time went on we got more and more sexually intense, and it seemed that she needed to tell me about her previous boyfriends, she'd only had a couple. She always claimed she was a virgin too, although I have no proof she was. And for someone who claimed not to have ever have gone so far with them she did have quite a detailed knowledge of one in particular, and his penis. She always told me that he put her hand down his trousers, but she was quite clear that he was circumcised and how much different his penis was to mine.

Reflecting on that now it doesn't seem that plausible that that's all they did, especially as throughout our sex life she has always been more than a bit unwilling to perform oral sex on me, and has even said it's because I'm uncircumcised- I remember clearly one of her 'issues' with it being whether I was 'clean' or not, to the point that I'd sometimes have to wash it first. In fact she used to make quite a big fuss about it to the point that I even offered to get circumcised if it was something that would improve our relationship but she told me "it didn't matter".

Along similar lines she's never ever been responsible for birth control. She has never offered or suggested that she go on the pill and as a result we've (or should I say I?) always used condoms. As anyone who's used them a lot will know they do need to be planned into lovemaking and Mrs NH would always pick the heat of the moment to tell me to put one on - she never help. As you can imagine our sexual sessions were never very spontaneous!

So back to the title of this piece, Reflection. Did I miss something early in our relationship? Is her relative reluctance to adventurous sex throughout the last 25 years down to some early sexual experience with that particular boyfriend?

Or am I just being paranoid again?

Finally, by way of a brief update, things between Mrs NH and I are still the same. I've realised that I'd forgotten to mention that before The Day I'll Not Forget Mrs NH and I had had a bit of a disagreement about me looking at her getting dressed/undressed. I liked doing it (she has a wonderful body for a woman in her mid-40s), she didn't.

This happened quite a few weeks before that day. Anyway for nearly the last four weeks I've not looked at her, and not touched her. In fact I deliberately avoid physical or visual contact with her to the point of staying downstairs if she's taking a bath (once upon a time she used to enjoy me chatting to her in the bath) and even getting myself dressed/undressed in the ensuite rather than the bedroom.

Oddly though, she's now seeking, even requesting, a goodbye kiss when she leaves, although nothing more and all I give is what she asks. Last night she made some comment and I jokingly made one back about the lack of anything 'physical' between us - I was told I was "having a go" at her. I told her I wasn't and left it at that. Somehow I've got to tell her that this can't carry on - either she accepts we have an open marriage where I seek sex elsewhere or it's over - she can't have it both ways. And I've got back in touch with Kelly too...

Paranoia

2009-11-05T04:01:00.000-08:00

"Baseless or excessive suspicion of the motives of others"

"Extreme, irrational distrust of others"

I think I'm having a case of it.

Last weekend, the first following Mrs NH's 'honest conversation', I was woken up by Mrs NH. And not in the normal sense.

I awoke to the sensation of Mrs NH beside me. Very close beside me. In fact, very, very, close. My initial thoughts were that she had just rolled over in bed and had arrived on my side.

I lay there, frozen and motionless. The last thing I wanted was a repeat of the previous week. I pretended that I was asleep.

Mrs NH clearly wasn't asleep. She moved even closer and was clearly 'snuggling' up against me. And I don't mean beside me, I mean against me.

To say I was confused is somewhat of an understatement. I continued to lay still.

Then she moved even closer, her hands slowly exploring across my chest. In my mind all I could think was "what the hell is going on?" and "I daren't move as she'll accuse me of touching her".

She moved even closer still and slipped one of her legs over mine. Then I thought that actually I was just dreaming. She began to kiss my cheek, then my neck, then my down my chest.

Now I really didn't know what to do or what to expect. So I just let out a quiet "Mmm...". She lay back on top of me. Of course now she knew I was awake.

She kissed me again on the cheek and moved so she was laying on top of me. She then moved both of my hands so my hands were behind her back, and then moved her hands and arms so she could hold me.

My mind was racing. Then she started to gently rub herself against me.

I just lay holding her, my emotions completely confused.

But were they? As I said in my last blog my 'feelings' for Mrs NH had disappeared.

She kept rubbing against me. She cannot have failed to notice, but nothing, nothing whatsoever was happening between my legs! Wow, this was a new experience. As I said in my last blog it normally only took the slightest of touches from Mrs NH for me to be 'ready for action'. Normally with her like this I'd be rock solid and ready for anything, but here I was, with my wife rubbing her genitals against mine and it was having zero effect.

I tried to think of her as I'd always done before but still there was nothing. Was I beginning to lose it I started to wonder?

We carried on for about 30 minutes like this, just kissing cheeks and cuddling before she decided it was time to get up.

I felt a bit empty. Then again I wasn't sure I knew what Mrs NH wanted either, especially after her declaration the previous week that sex and touching were verboten.

So we got up, had a nice breakfast and went out to do some rather domestic related things.

As we were driving away Mrs NH spotted our neighbour bending over with her head in her car door. Yes, that neighbour.

"It's hard to believe that Jane is almost 60 isn't it?" Mrs NH said to me. Of course Jane isn't her name, I've changed it from what it really is. Mrs NH continued "She's in really good shape for her age, she's really sexy looking, don't you think so?"

I just replied with a "Hmm, suppose so" and left it at that. To be honest she's not really my type. And although I'm the wrong side of 45, but the right side of 50, I think she's a bit old for me, but hey, never say never...

But then I got thinking, dangerous I know. No, not about our neighbour, but about Mrs NH.

The previous day, Friday, she'd been out to see her sister and her best (female) friend, someone she's known from school. I remembered that when she came home I'd got a strong waft of either perfume or aftershave.

So what you're saying, she's got perfume on. except as a rule Mrs NH doesn't wear perfume, or any cosmetics for that matter. At the time I hadn't really thought about it.

Now this friend of Mrs NH's. As I said they've known each other since school. When I first met Mrs NH they used to be like sisters, in fact probably closer than sisters. I have to admit that when we were first together I did fantasise about Mrs NH, me and her friend, err, having a threesome. I'll be honest the idea of Mrs NH and her friend doing it together still turns me on. But as far as I know nothing like that has ever happened. Or has it?

Now this friend, her partner (male) often works away for most of the week, and when her kids are at school... and Mrs NH visits... well you get the idea. At least I hope you do.

So was that perfume I smelt? Female perfume? And this fascination with our 'sexy' neighbour? Calling another woman 'sexy' is not something Mrs NH would normally do. Pretty maybe, attractive maybe, good for their age maybe, but 'sexy'?

Anyway while we were out we went into a small local shop that sells gifts, as Mrs NH was after a Christmas present to send abroad to a relative. This is a small shop run by it's owner, a very attractive woman in her mid-30s. I've her noticed previously and we've exchanged smiles and glances, but on Saturday I couldn't take my eyes off her!

As it was Halloween she'd given the shop a Halloween makeover, and she'd also done it to herself. Instead of some of the predictable Halloween costumes, she was wearing a very short mini-skirt with tights (yes, yes, legs again, I know!), but with a skin-tight top, a tail and devil horns. God she looked gorgeous. And didn't I know it... lets says I had a problem in my trousers and any problems I have with Mrs NH are purely psychological!

I was just idling browsing while Mrs NH was present hunting and the owner came over to me. Before I knew it we were flirting and she was making very suggestive remarks about being 'horny' with her devil horns and swirling her tail - which meant I was getting a perfect view of her lovely bum... I'm sure she could see my 'problem' as she kept glancing down at my bulge and asking me if I was "OK". Another customer came in and she said "Sorry I'll be back to finish you off in a moment". As she walked away she couldn't help but squeeze past me - it's such a small shop - and I'm sure she deliberately pushed against me. Lets just say that she has a very nice feeling pair of breasts... and her hand brushed against my crotch.

God I was so worked up I could have grabbed her and taken her into the back of the shop and fucked her even with Mrs NH there!! Sadly though Mrs NH had found something she wanted to buy and had already paid the assistant, so it was time to go.

Outside the shop Mrs NH said "She's really nice in there isn't she?" What a question! Was Mrs NH teasing me? I could hardly say "Yes she really is, She's so nice I'd like you to hold on for a bit while I pop in and give her a good fucking" could I?

Back in the land of the NH household it's otherwise been an uneventful week. I've continued to keep my distance physically from Mrs NH and avoid any physical contact whatsoever. However, there have been a few other minor incidents that are making 'listen' to Mrs NH more. The local radio station had a call in show about prostitution. Some of the debate got our teen decrying those sorts of ladies and what they do. To my surprise Mrs NH said that "Sometimes people's relationships change, sometimes men and women need someone else, sometimes they use those sort of people".

I was shocked. The Mrs NH I knew would never have said anything like that before.

Paranoid? Me?

Dazed and Confused

2009-10-29T10:22:00.000-07:00

Well it's certainly been an interesting week so far.

I've not laid a finger on Mrs NH since 'that Saturday', indeed I've actively avoided going near her at all where at all possible, and if we are near then I'm ensuring that there is always a safe distance between us.

My relative calmness that I had last weekend and earlier in the week has passed, replaced by a feeling of mid-week dejection, and now by a feeling inside that perhaps my love and more importantly, my desire, for Mrs NH is dying. It's difficult to describe, but not having even the slightest of touch seems to have brought this on.

And to be brutally honest I'm not sure what this means - perhaps this is how Mrs NH feels?

Oddly though she has touched me twice, which is when I noticed the sensation that my desire for her is dying - Before she would only need to do that and I'd feel my love/desire for her rise inside me.

These two times there was nothing.

Nothing whatsoever.

As for 'the big question', I've not had any opportunity to talk to her, the right 'moment' just hasn't arrived. It's been a fraught week, with our terrible teen causing consternation in the house.

With all this stuff flowing around in my head though I reminded myself of something Mrs NH kept going on about during the summer...

Our immediate neighbour is a woman in her late 50s. She's is very attractive for her age, looks about 50 at the most, and is what youngsters today would call 'fit'. She's also fit in the physical sense as she goes to the gym and has an allotment. She is a widow, but her and her husband had separated about 5 years ago and he'd been living abroad with other women (yes, more than one) before he passed away.

OK, I know what you're saying, "what's this got to do with you" and "get on with it!".

Well back in the summer Mrs NH kept going on at me about our neighbour "needing a man". She said it virtually every weekend and sometimes during the week if we were sitting in our garden. At the time I just thought she meant that she needed a man to help her with her garden which was getting a bit overgrown...

But now I'm not so sure. Mrs NH never said she "needed a man to do her garden", nor did she ever say she "needed a man to help do the heavy or hard stuff in her garden".

It was always that she "needed a man".

Now given my situation my mind could well be reading something in to this that might not have been there, but I do know that my wife and our neighbour did have some long chats early in the summer...

Was Mrs NH really trying to set me up with our neighbour as a "fuck buddy"?

Given everything else that's happened I'm beginning to think she was...

The Day I'll Not Forget

2009-10-26T09:11:00.000-07:00

Saturday 24th October 2009.

Seemingly just like any other day. Like many other Autumn days. A day when people go about there normal business, a weekend when friends and families enjoy themselves.

A day when I when I got an answer to a question I'd not even asked.

A day when I, very reluctantly, agreed to one I was asked.

Saturday Morning

Saturday morning. 24th October 2009. A day and date I will now always remember. For all the wrong reasons. The day when I finally cracked open Mrs NH's rock hard protective shell.

It all started quite innocently with Mrs NH and I in bed. My hand accidentally (honest!) strayed across and brushed her soft, delicate body.

Her reaction?

To hit me. Physically. Accompanied by the words "get off me and leave me alone".

I was stunned. I hadn't even made a move on her. I was still half asleep.

I whispered "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch you".

"Just leave me alone, I've told you I don't want sex" came the reply.

"But I don't want sex" I said. OK I was lying, sex would have been nice, but realistically the chances of it happening were probably less than minus one.

"I've told you, just leave me alone" came back the reply. I'd now woken up and I hesitated to ask "What have I done?" and continued with an innocent "Can't we just try to cuddle for one minute?"

Wrong thing to say I think. It was met by a barrage of anger. Stupidly I tried to reason with her, I don't know why, but I did.

"Look, can't we just try to talk about this? I've been trying all summer but you just won't talk to me will you? Just be honest with me for once please? I don't want to argue, I really don't want to argue about this".

More anger. I can't remember the words, they just flowed past me.

Then she started. "All you ever want is sex. Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex."

"But we haven't had proper sex for probably over two years!"

"Oh so what!" was her well thought out response, "You just want sex. It's all about sex".

"I don't want sex. I'd be just happy with a cuddle" I said innocently. "I can't help that I love you. I can't help that I want to touch you, I can't help it that my body still wants sex sometimes". I blurted.

"Well I don't want it OK? I don't want you touching me, can't you understand that. I've never liked sex, I've never enjoyed sex and I don't want a physical relationship".

After over 22 years of marriage and a relationship of almost 26 years, now she tells me this?

Oh Shit. I really can't think of any other way of saying it.

All the raised voices by now had disturbed our teen, who was stirring in her room next door.

"Do you want a divorce?" I asked. "I asked you if you wanted a divorce in the summer and you said no. If you want a divorce you can have one, I don't want anything, all I want is you how you used to be" I offered.

No, you're wrong - she said "no", she didn't want a divorce.

"All I want is for you to leave me alone. I don't want you to touch me. I don't want a physical relationship anymore".

"OK" I said.

"No you're not listening" she said. "I want you to agree that we're not having a physical relationship anymore" she continued.

Very reluctantly I quietly said "OK. You don't want a physical relationship anymore. I'll have to accept that. I still love you".

"Good" came the reply. "Now just leave me alone"

"What's going on, what are you two arguing about?" came from a sleepy teenager.

"Oh nothing, nothing to bother you" was my reply.

Then we all got up and had breakfast.

Saturday Afternoon

Somehow, after all that Mrs NH and I were on very reasonable speaking terms. She seemed brighter and I was beginning to feel like a weight was being lifted from my shoulders. And she'd told me quite categorically that the decay in our relationship wasn't down to me.

We went to another town about 20 miles away as Mrs NH wanted to do some shopping. In the end we didn't actually buy much, just talked. But not about our relationship, except for me slipping in a quick "Thank you for being honest this morning".

I started to feel better in my self. I've spent more than two years internalising all the pain I felt and now it was gone.

I also realised that now I'd accepted her wish I could look at other women without worrying about Mrs NH spotting me doing it... after all if she wants nothing physical from me I can now look at whatever I want. And I did. It was really liberating. I saw some more lovely legs, some brilliant bums, some absolutely wonderful breasts and plenty of cleavage. I felt a bit like a naughty schoolboy!

Of course the big question remains unanswered - I've not had the opportunity to broach that subject yet.

But then I realised that the balance of power in our relationship has shifted.

I'm now firmly in control. She's lost her power of withholding sex over me.

She's the one who's told me quite clearly that she doesn't want sex.
In divorce court speak she's the one doing "unreasonable behaviour".

Not that I want a divorce of course.

In fact I don't now even have to ask the question, do I?

I'm just going to tell her that "I've accepted us not having a physical relationship anymore. But I told you I want a sex life. I going to do what you told me to do and find it somewhere else".

If she doesn't agree then it's time to mention that 'no sex = divorce'.

And she doesn't want that. Does she?

Legs... and London

2009-10-22T09:17:00.000-07:00

An 'eye catching' title eh? Lovely shapely sexy women's legs in tights or stockings, ideally finished off with some nice shoes. Not necessarily high-heeled shoes, but shoes with a heel...

This week I've had my first business trip out of my 'office' for over a year. Just to London to see the boss' boss, but a day on my own away from Mrs NH and the terrible teen.

As I was seeing our top man I decided to at least make myself look smart, and so went all suited and booted up to London. In fact I'd describe myself as elegant even. I did it for two reasons, firstly to see what Mrs NH's reaction would be and secondly because there are apparently promotions on the cards and I think I deserve one of those considering all the work I've been doing recently.

So I got to the station and parked my car and started to walk to get a ticket... when I saw something. Legs.

A woman was walking just in front of me, clearly dressed for work in London. She had a coat on but it was just mid-thigh length. After that all I could see was her long gorgeous legs!

Then I saw another woman with lovely legs. And another. Oh my, parts of my anatomy were getting a life of their own. Thankfully it was time to get on the train and with PDA in hand I started blogging. As you have probably guessed, I'm a 'leg man' and it was Mrs NH's legs that first attracted me to her. Sad to say but I don't get to see them often now - they're usually clad in jeans and finished off with flat shoes. Oh well.

On the train I was sitting on the outside edge of the seats. At every station the train filled up. I knew that at some point someone would want the seat beside me. And they did. A woman. Not an attractive (to me!) one, but a member of the female species who said "excuse me could I sit there please?" Obviously I did the gentlemanly thing and stood up and offered her the seat with a polite "of course" and I stood in the way of the following male commuters who had to wait for me to move to walk into the carriage. She seemed a bit shocked by this, it's clearly not the sort of treatment she'd normally get. And for me it made me feel good, something that being polite and gentlemanly never does with Mrs NH. I'd be lucky to get a grumble.

When I got to my destination I was just getting up when I noticed another woman was going to be getting off at the same station. I halted and said "after you". At first I got a look of total surprise and confusion from her, but then she burst into a huge smile and said a loud "oh Thank You!".

The meeting with the Top Man went really well and after he'd gone I did some work down there and chatted with a few of my more distant colleagues. Well I chatted with most anyway. With one though the chatting was verging on all out flirting. Sue is probably in her early 50s but looks like she's about 40 and is as they'd say 'in great shape'. I've always got on well with her, although we've never actually worked together. Normally I'm the quiet, shy type, and I'm not really sure what happened but we just seemed to click and the conversations where almost risque. And it was noticed by my other colleagues too. One even asked me afterwards if there was anything going on between me and Sue!

Anyway the working day came to an end and I headed off for the train home. On the station platform it happened again. Legs. Bloody absolutely gorgeous legs, on a woman between about 25 and 30. Certain parts of my body were alive again.

When I got home, Mrs NH grumbled at me as I walked in so I went off to change into something casual. I was almost dressed when Mrs NH came up and said "oh, were you wearing your suit then? I didn't notice". Well at least that answered one question.

The rest of the week has been back to normal though, rubbish work and Mrs NH as uncommunicative as ever. But at least I've got something to remember this week for and it feels like it's been a good week...

Legs... and London.

No Feelings

2009-10-20T08:54:00.000-07:00

Since my last musings I've been unable to talk to Mrs NH about 'finding some one else for sex'. The right opportunity just hasn't presented itself, a situation not helped by the fact that whenever I try to talk to Mrs NH she helpfully accuses me of "having a go" at her.

Some of you may think I'm not trying, but this time I'll plead mitigating circumstances - our teenager had a complete and utter 'tantrum', which turned into a full blown house-wide argument. I won't bore you with the gory details but let's say that some home truths were said, along with things that probably shouldn't been said but that were.

Collectively I thought we'd now learnt from it and were trying to move on, and maybe we are, I just don't know.

This weekend I once again tried to physically demonstrate my affection for Mrs NH, by attempting to give her a good night kiss - just on the cheek. Instead of the kiss being accepted as an expression of my love for her, it was, as usual, rejected.

I tried to reason with Mrs NH, explaining that I was just demonstrating my love - I wasn't expecting anything more. But after a brief but deafening silence, she shocked me by saying:

"I don't have any feelings for you anymore".

Nice. Well at least it's honest I suppose. Not that I hadn't already guessed that for myself over at least the last two years of course, especially during our very rare 'lovemaking' sessions. Clearly this wasn't a shock to me and I just left things there.

I'm now in somewhat of a quandary. As regular readers know I asked over the summer if she still loved me and she said "yes". During the 'teen tantrum' (maybe not the best of times!) I asked her several times if she "still wanted me" and she said she did, even saying "she needed me".

I'm now left wondering how this is supposed to work. Clearly she wants me to stay, but she doesn't want the physical and emotional part of our relationship.

I must admit that I'm in some ways relieved that she's being honest, but I'm worried about what the future will be like? Will she wake up in a few years time when it's just the two of us and want a divorce away?

I know she's worried about our teen, any parent would be (and I am), but would they just emotionally abandon their spouse like she is? I would have thought it's a time to pull together not push apart?

The reaction to that kiss got me reflecting that I'd unconsciously carried out a little experiment. The last couple of times before it when she'd called me while she was out I'd finished the call with "love you". Each time she ended the call with a terse "OK bye".

So I repeated it again after the kiss - once when she called, and once when I was out (more about that another time). Same response, "OK bye".

Hmm... "No feelings".

I'm actually quite upset writing this. But I find it hard to believe that she is willing to just throw our marriage away like that. Now I know I'm far from perfect, and I know I'm the one who's 'strayed' in the marriage (not that Mrs NH knows anyway), but I do feel that I'm trying very hard to do something to save it, while there is still a chance and before it's too late. Why does she not want to try, at the same time as she says she wants and needs me?

I've really no idea what she wants anymore. It seems she really just wants me as a housemate.

Time for some honest conversations.

Summer Agony - Autumn Opportunity?

2009-10-07T05:58:00.000-07:00

Well sorry it's been so very long since I last blogged - over 4 long months in fact. Quite where those 4 months went I'm not sure, but all I know is that I've been very, very busy!

Work has been incredibly busy and difficult as I've been working on stuff in Europe and India. Sounds nice doesn't it, and I see you all imagining me enjoying myself in Europe and India... No such luck I'm afraid, everything's been done via the wonders of the telephone, email or the Internet, and has meant me having to work some odd hours in order to join these virtual 'meetings'.

On the home front things haven't been going too well either, with the wonderful health service dragging it's feet in the only it's knows how regarding our teenager's health issues. With that, my increased workload up in my 'office' and Mrs NH's ongoing aversion to any physical contact from me, it was only a matter of time before there was a bit of friction between us.

I've spent quite a lot of the Summer when I wasn't working trying to talk to Mrs NH. To say I'm sexually frustrated is somewhat of an understatement! As I've said previously, the biggest problem in our relationship is that Mrs NH has unilaterally decided we're both going to be celibate. There has been no discussion, and no consultation.

I've tried very, very, hard on and off over the summer to get Mrs NH to talk about sex, us, her continual rejection of me, and our relationship as it is. And it's a hard task when someone doesn't want to talk about the subjects! I've been very honest and very upfront, I still do love her, I still fancy her and I still want her sexually. As you can imagine though some of the conversations didn't go particularly well. And before anyone asks, I did ask her, bluntly, if it she either wanted me to move out, temporarily or permanently, if our relationship was over, and if she wanted a divorce. The answer was always a resounding 'no'.

I did also try to delve into the physical, or rather the lack of the physical side of our relationship and whether we could survive in the future without it. I asked her to be totally honest and tell me if she no longer found me attractive, or felt she didn't want me near her and of course she said she did want me. It must have had some sort of effect, as within the week immediately after that discussion Mrs NH initiated some physical contact herself, although sadly it was the same as the last few times we've 'done' anything - lots of foreplay for her from me, then her getting some pleasure from just rubbing against my leg before pulling completely away and rejecting me. Nice.

I'm afraid that had a bad effect on me. Usually I'd just sulk a bit for a day or two, but this time I felt I had to tell her how I felt - "you make me feel like I'm a rapist". Harsh? Maybe, I don't know. But I do know how it makes me feel.

Again, that did seem to have some sort of effect as I was woken up one morning by Mrs NH doing something she hasn't done for at least 18months. She was cuddling and snuggling up against me. As I wanted to enjoy the experience I didn't try anything and that's all we ended up doing, cuddling and snuggling. I'd forgotten how good it feels.

A week or so later I tried the same thing. I was amazed when I wasn't immediately rejected and it wasn't long before Mrs NH was putting my hands on her chest. I deliberately kept things very slow and didn't try to force myself on her. It was obvious she was enjoying it and I actually thought we were getting somewhere until she suddenly and unexpectedly pulled away and said "get off me!".

To say I was shocked was an understatement. While I admit I started the cuddling, it was Mrs NH who started taking things further, not me. I lay there in silence not knowing what to say, let alone what to do. Then Mrs NH broke the silence... she said:

"maybe you should find someone else to have sex with"

I was stunned, so stunned, I didn't think I'd heard her correctly. So I asked "what did you say?" Then she said it again:

"maybe you should find someone else to have sex with"

As you can imagine I wasn't expecting Mrs NH to say that! While she has said "if you want that you'll have to find it somewhere else" about things like oral sex, she'd never gone this far.

Now you're probably all thinking 'Jackpot!', he's got her permission at last. But of course me being me I just replied without thinking properly with "but I don't want anyone else I want you..."

And as soon as I'd said those words I'd realised what I'd done. What an idiot! D'oh!

Since then we've kept a distance between us. I'm not really sure what to do next, but I'd prefer Mrs NH to suggest this again rather than me. That way it's her idea, not mine. And of course I can't just say "Thanks I will, I'm off out to f**k Kelly this afternoon, is that OK with you?" can I...? I'll have to agree things with Mrs NH up front so there is no misunderstandings and it's on her terms, and I'll need to make it look like it's taken a little while to find someone too.

Autumn Opportunity? We'll have to see won't we.
Maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel...

Work, Play, Trends and Surprises

2009-06-02T05:33:00.000-07:00

As quite a few of you are aware from my previous blog posts and my recently infrequent Twitter tweets, I'm currently a bit 'trapped' at home. This has had somewhat of a negative effect on my opportunities to blog regularly, yet alone engaging in 'illicit encounters' and other misdemeanours. In fact even 'naughty' surfing of the 'net has been so difficult to be almost non-exist ant. I've also had some 'technology failures', all of which have meant I haven't been as active online as I would have liked to have been.

However I haven't been totally ignoring my blog and have been saving things up for now.

Firstly, I assume it's just me but I've become aware of an odd trend. Well an odd trend to me anyway. As I've said before I'm a member of a number of 'illicit encounters' websites and over the last month or so I've noticed a trend in the age of women contacting me or sending me 'winks'. They're getting younger, and in many cases young enough for me to be their Dad.

Whilst I'm not complaining (it's very flattering), and I wish I could take things a little further than I currently can, but I can't help wondering why this has started happening? It's not as if I've changed or updated my profile or anything, because I've not done that for ages. Now I realise that some young woman do actually like, appreciate and even prefer older men, but this is such a rapid rise over such a short period that I find it slightly odd. And before anyone suggests it, they aren't scammers from Russia or Africa either, they all seem to be genuine, attractive, young ladies. Have many young women got bored with selfish young men, have some 'discovered' the pleasures we older gentlemen can bring, or is the economic situation driving them to men they think may have cash in the bank or something? Anyone care to comment?

Otherwise I've seen a few amusing news stories below, along with my comments, which I've selected for you to read, comment on and discuss if you feel like it:

Watch out for Google Street View - "Track that cheating spouse of yours", especially when "A posh car really does turn a woman's head". And from Illicit Encounters themselves: "Love cheats drive flash cars". Funny that, I took part in that survey and I don't drive any of those cars and neither does Kelly!

I think there is a lesson here don't you?
"Drive a flash car and while you may get the women, it's more likely you'll get caught cheating..."

Lost Opportunities

2009-04-02T03:43:00.000-07:00

Over the last few weeks while I'm 'trapped' in my current situation I've had the opportunity to reflect on what I now realise were 'lost opportunities' or 'lost encounters'.

The first I can remember goes back to when we were engaged, around 25 years ago (god, THAT long!!). I worked then at the UK HQ of a very large American firm, I was only there for a year. The HQ was a huge place so you didn't get to mix much with people from all the other departments, but I began to realise that often when I took my lunch break the same girl often appeared. At first I took no real notice of her, but then she started appearing with a friend. One day I was nonchalantly eating my lunch when they turned up and sat nearby. As usual, and as I was 'spoken for', I ignored them. When I finished my lunch I heard the girl mutter some comment that I didn't quite catch. Not being very self confident at the time (something for another day's blog) I assumed it was some sort of insult or joke at my expense between her and her friend, so I just went on my way back to work.

The same thing kept happening for weeks after that and I never caught what she was saying. I was beginning to think that she was a bit odd, maybe even a stalker to be honest. Then one day I I had to walk right past them to get out. That day I heard exactly what she was saying. "You've got a lovely bum"! As I said, as a teenager and even a young man I wasn't possessed with much self confidence and I didn't believe what I'd heard. In my albeit very limited experience at that time I'd never had a female pay me a compliment, so I had no idea what to do. So I just went off back to work again. I didn't see her again for a while after that as my working patterns changed, but next time I did the same thing happened. Unfortunately I reacted in the same way to, so I'll never know what may or may not have happened.

While working at the same firm I also had another missed opportunity. One of the ladies I worked with was in her early 30s (I was in my very early 20s) and the best description for her was 'cute'. We used to get along really well at work and she had a great sense of humour. One day we had a problem at work and we had to stay on really late to sort it out. It'd been a very long day and I lived about 25 miles away and I needed to be back at work the next day early. Quite unexpectedly she asked me "Do you want to come back to my place for a coffee? You can stay at my place tonight if you like? It'll save you going home."

I knew she lived on her own and to be honest I was a bit stupid when it came to that sort of thing then. Now looking back at it I think she meant something a bit more than offering me a simple bed for the night. While we still got on well at work I must say that she was never quite the same with me after that, and now I think I know why!

It wasn't that long after that when I moved to another job with another company. Nothing much happened there in the first few years as it was a new department and we were all new, but I got married and became the dutiful husband I thought I ought to be. As the years went by I concentrated on my career and got promoted fairly highly very quickly, becoming a manager with 4 people working for me before I was 30 (which was unheard of in the company at the time). Management meant I had to go on management training, and I was sent off for a weeks intensive training with about a dozen others at the same level in the company from all over the country. The course was held at a hotel/training venue and we were expected to work until 8pm, after that we'd eat and then usually end up in the bar.

On the course was a gorgeous blond woman a couple of years older than me. As the company had a bit of thing about managers being older, we sort of stuck together as we didn't really fit in with the other 'old codgers' on the course. We got on really well all week and by the final night we were ready to celebrate. That night we got to eat earlier, which meant more time in the evening to socialise. As usual I sat opposite her at dinner. while we were eating we where all talking and I began to realise that my course partner was being very suggestive and flirtatious with me.

As I had some wine I was returning the innuendo and then I realised that for a while I'd been feeling something warm on my legs and ankles. It was her feet. She had slipped her feet out of her shoes and was playing footsie with me. When she realised I'd realised she winked and smiled at me. I enjoyed it for the rest of the meal as we continued playing like that while our older colleagues didn't even notice. Later we went to the bar and just chatted with our colleagues. At the end of the night we were all going back when some of the older guys were a bit worse for wear and were being a bit obnoxious and even sexist. I told my female colleague not to worry about it and that I'd see her back to her room to make sure she was OK. When we got there she asked me in. No prizes for guessing which plank refused and wished her good night, yes, me.

About 30 minutes later there was a commotion in the corridor outside our rooms and some of the old guys were getting rowdy again. We'd all looked out and there she was looking worried at her door, so being the gentlemen I am I went along to reassure her. Again she asked me in "for a coffee" and again I stupidly refused, but waited at her door until things had calmed down. When they had I said good night again and went back to my room. Alone. The following day was the last time I saw or heard from her.

In more recent times one of the closest times I came to actually cheating on my wife was with the headmistress at our child's first school. I was a governor there and the headteacher left and we interviewed replacements. One was a women about 10 years older than me. She was both mature and elegant, but also very young if that makes sense. She also looked fantastic for her age with lovely blue eyes and a super shapely figure, and I'll admit I spent most of the interview gawping at her! In the year or so after she got the job we got on really well and would often end up sorting out various bits of the schools affairs late after the end of the governors meetings.

Often we'd end up talking about all sorts and on many occasions it ended up as blatant flirting. Towards the end of my time as a governor though there was night when the atmosphere between us can only be described as electric. As usual we ended up as the last two people in the school. It was summer and she was wearing a short dress which showed off her amazing legs. We ended up talking in a doorway and it was then that I noticed her lifting her dress ever so slightly. The dress was buttoned up the front, so as she did this I could see up her inviting thighs. She was moving closer to to me and was slowly unbuttoning the top button of her dress as she said "it's hot in here isn't it?". I was mesmerised. I'd actually fantasied about a moment like this happening with her and it seemed to be coming true at last. I couldn't wait. Then her mobile phone rang. It was her husband. Her teenage daughter was ill. She had to leave. Damn. It wasn't long after that that our child left the school and I gave up being a governor. We never met like that again.

The most recent lost opportunity was again at work a few years ago. The department I worked in at the time had a policy of employing business students during their gap years. One of the students we took on was an Austrian girl about 21 or 22, although she appeared very mature for her age, both in how she acted and how she dressed. For a student she was incredibly elegant and looked more like a woman in her 30s than what she really was. For a while she did various bits of work for me and when she did I had to go to London were she was based. We got along great. She wanted to practice her English (which was very good) and I got to brush up on my very rusty schoolboy German.

Before long it was the end of her year with us, and the department manager had a policy that we'd always give the students a celebratory send off as part of our annual department evening event. I turned up about 5pm and everyone was there. The food and drink was flowing as usual and we were all chatting away. Then I noticed our Austrian student beside me and clearly she'd had too much to drink. I kept a fatherly eye on her (she was after all literally old enough to be my daughter - just!) and we began to chat. It soon became pretty obvious that she was interested in me as she not only undid her blouse (it was a very nice view!), but she was getting ever closer, until she was touching me and her hands were wandering. It was getting late and I was conscious that I needed to get home and I didn't want to miss the train. People were starting to drift off home. For whatever reason the gentleman in me took over and I offered to get her home to her flat in the East End. Our boss came over and handed me cash to get a taxi and take her home and me back to the station. I took her outside to get a taxi, but in the lift on the way down it's fair to say that I got to feel some very nice parts of her and she was causing me a few problems! We got a taxi and she was all over me. Part of me wanted to take advantage of her, and part of me thought I'd be a dirty old man. When we got to her flat I escorted her to her door and said goodnight, went back to the taxi and went home. Talking to the bosses secretary I later found out that the young student had a thing about 'older men' and had had a few as boyfriends. Why? Because she didn't see them as 'old men' as her father was in his late 60s - she hadn't seen me as being old enough to be her Dad, she just seen me as a potential lover. As you can imagine I've regretted that night ever since.

Well that's all folks, normal blogging will resume after Easter, until then, keep blogging, tweeting and having fun :-)

"The Best Laid Plans..."

2009-03-25T05:41:00.000-07:00

..as Robert Burns wrote, "Of Mice and Men" as adapted by John Steinbeck, seem to sum up what happened after 'The Meeting'.

After all those years seeking out an opportunity, and a willing, suitable and compatible partner for 'illicit encounters', no sooner had we met and physically enjoyed each other for the first time, it all started to go wrong. Totally wrong.

First, the team I work in was reorganised - a team of eight became a team of two. Suddenly I had four times as much work to do and the two of us left had to work out how we could do things better too! If that wasn't enough we also lost some of our responsibilities, which meant that we had less business meetings to attend and less customers to visit. My travel opportunities and 'excuses' for an illicit afternoon's fun with Kelly had all but evaporated.

Secondly, my employer then announced a total ban on travel. Customers could come to us, we couldn't go to them. Oh dear. As they say "you couldn't make this up".

Then things went from bad to worse. As I'd said previously, I'm a father and we have a child, a teenager. A teenager who sadly is now ill and permanently off school. And to top it all it's GCSE exam year, so I'm now a proxy teacher too. As I work from home I'm completely trapped. It's hard enough sneakily sending a text, let alone blogging - I'm always looking over my shoulder.

While I do have hobbies I enjoy they tend to be shared one with my wife, so there is no chance of an excuse there, and I've always been what you'd call a dedicated husband/family man. I'm not a sports fan either, so I can't nip off to 'watch a match' for real or 'at a mates'.

Somehow though Kelly and I are still in touch. She's not found anyone else (yet) and we still email and text (should that be 'sext'?) each other. We're not in touch every day, but when we are it's a pleasant diversion from the current normality.

Hopefully once the exams are over things will get better and maybe, just maybe, my wife and child will go out for a day, and I can go out and play...

Until then though my dear readers, anyone out there have any suggestions for how I can keep my sanity?

The Meeting...

2009-03-17T08:36:00.000-07:00

Well it's been far too long now and I really need to finish off my tale of adultery. Before I start though I should warn you readers that this contains very 'adult' content. You have been warned! However, in the words of that American President, I can claim as he did, that "I did not have sexual relations" with Kelly - to know why, you'll have to read on...

Picking up from my previous blog posting, Kelly and I set off for her house, with me following her car. We arrived at her house and I parked my car around the corner - not because I was trying to be discrete, or trying to hide, but because there was no where else to park.

By the time I got to her front door Kelly was inside. Waiting and smiling.

I'll be honest that I wasn't sure what to expect. We'd met face to face just less than two hours previously, and although we'd got on really well I wasn't sure if Kelly would go any further than a coffee and another chat. Importantly, I wasn't actually bothered if that's all she wanted to do - the last thing I wanted to do was pressurise her and ruin what we had so far. Also, as she'd already backed out of the original meeting we'd planned I was half expecting her to suddenly change her mind. And who could blame her if she did? After all 'meeting for cheating', at least when it's the first time either of you have done it is a fraught with concerns. You don't know if you'll get on, you don't know if there will be a physical attraction, you don't know if you'll actually go through with it, you don't if you'll be able to perform and do it, and you don't know if she is Mrs Bobbit or if he is the Yorkshire Ripper. It's a bit of a lottery...

So I went inside. Kelly closed the door.

Then Kelly kissed me. A French kiss. Wow!

Suddenly lust took over. I pulled Kelly close and there was no way Kelly could not know that I was 'pleased to see' her! It'd been so long since I'd held and kissed my wife like this that I was just absolutely absorbed by it all. And it wasn't long before I felt Kelly's hands exploring me... and then my hands started exploring her.

Before I knew it her hands were in my trousers and one of my hands had found and unhooked her bra (something I have to admit I'm quite skilled at with one hand!), while the other was already under her top feeling her amazing breasts. As Kelly had a hand in my trousers, I slipped one into her jeans. I got a very nice surprise. She wasn't wearing knickers, something we'd both joked about in our emails.

Kelly suddenly broke away and said "let's go upstairs". I blindly followed.

Next thing I knew we were kissing again in her bedroom. Yes I said her bedroom. You might remember that her partner of 20 years doesn't sleep with her. And then we were on her bed, kissing, fondling, caressing each other. It wasn't long before I was kissing, licking and sucking her breasts. My wife has small breasts and Kelly's were much larger. They felt wonderful, so soft and warm. I couldn't leave them alone. But I somehow did. I wanted to explore further, so I gently and very slowly kissed my way down to her jeans. I tried to unbutton them with my teeth but couldn't, so I had to use my hands and unzipped her. My mouth couldn't wait to get inside and her jeans were off in seconds, exposing my reward.

I've always loved the taste of a woman (although my wife doesn't like me performing oral sex on her - something for another blog) so I slowly worked my mouth on Kelly. Kelly had been quietly moaning since we started kissing, but now she was really moaning. Very loudly! I soon got tempted to do something else we'd talked about, so I flicked my tongue around her anus - and she moaned even louder...
Having quite a long tongue I explored Kelly as much as a I could, getting positively drunk on her juices. It wasn't long before she was shuddering beneath me as she came.

We lay together for a little while kissing again, until Kelly pushed me onto her bed. She kissed my chest and worked her way downwards. In no time she'd pulled my trousers down and was touching and kissing me below like I'd never been touched or kissed there before (my wife isn't a fan of giving oral sex either). Suddenly Kelly took me in her mouth and I thought I was in heaven. Quite how Kelly's partner could turn her down doing that was completely beyond me. Kelly spent a long time pleasuring me, licking and sucking, when she gave me a surprise and started sucking my balls... if I thought I was in heaven before then, I was definitely there now! I was actually paralysed with pleasure.

Suddenly Kelly stopped and asked "well what do you want to do now?". I'd been enjoying what Kelly was doing so much that I just said, "let's do a 69". Before I knew it Kelly had spun around and had very cleverly knelt on my arms - I was pinned down. Before I knew it Kelly's mouth was on me again and she quickly pushed herself into my face. As I couldn't move my arms, I did all I could do - licked. And licked, and licked and licked and thrust my tongue into her, and licked and circled her anus again and again and again... Then I realised Kelly was pushing down on me hard. And with my head on the pillow I couldn't move. She was pushing so hard I actually thought I was going to suffocate (what a way to go!). I gasped for air, but returned to my task. I'd been so distracted by breathing that I hadn't realised that I could feel myself getting ready to burst. I gasped again and told Kelly. She just moaned and mumbled but kept on sucking. And then I let go. And Kelly kept sucking. And licking. Amazingly I was somehow still rock hard.

I was so relaxed I just lay there for what seemed like ages, while Kelly continued what she was doing. Then Kelly moved off me, and lay away from me, but carried on sucking and licking, but now she was paying more attention to my balls. I honestly couldn't concentrate on anything, and I'd never, ever had sex like this before. Suddenly I felt Kelly move. She began licking below my balls. She continued to lick even further back. Then I jumped! Kelly was licking my anus at the same time as she was stroking me. I'd joked and teased Kelly that I'd like her to play my 'Rusty Trombone' and she'd teased me back, but I didn't think she'd actually do it. She carried on and then I felt a strange sensation. Kelly had put a finger in me, while she sucking my balls again and continued to stroke me with her hand... If I'd thought Kelly had pleasured me before then I was wrong...

I was paralysed again. Paralysed with pleasure. I felt like I was drunk, but drunk from sex. I'm not sure how long Kelly kept doing what she did but it felt like absolutely ages. And it must have been a long time as I could feel I was getting sore. And I can say I've never had a sore cock like that before. Kelly just couldn't leave me alone! In the end I had to beg her to stop, not because I wasn't enjoying it, because I did. I just felt so tender and every time she did anything to me it felt like an electric shock.

Thankfully Kelly did stop and she lay beside me. We kissed very slowly and very sensually. My hands started to wander I and I began to play with her beautiful breasts again. My other hand was playing with her pussy and clitoris. It was my turn to pleasure Kelly. As I rubbed her pussy my fingers got covered with her juices, and some ran down to her anus. I began to gently massage her there while I slowly inserted my two middle fingers into her pussy. Kelly began bucking against me and as she did I began to push my little finger into her anus. Kelly's bucking became frantic and I could tell from the way my fingers were being crushed by her muscles that she was orgasming. And all while she was doing that we kept kissing.

For about the next hour we just lay together, holding each other together, naked. Then the time came, I had to leave. I didn't want to go and Kelly didn't want me to go. Neither of us wanted the afternoon we'd had together to end. We got dressed and tried to say our Goodbyes. It was difficult. I don't know how many times we tried, but all we kept doing was kissing and feeling each other, we just couldn't leave each other alone. Eventually Kelly forced us apart and said "you'd better go".

I left feeling both elated and empty. I knew that the lack of sex in my relationship with my wife wasn't down to me - I'd just proved that. The texts and emails from Kelly later that day and in the following days just reinforced my discovery. Being told by a woman you hardly know that she'd had the best sex in her life with you is one hell of an ego boost. And being able to tell that same woman that you'd had the best sex in your life with her, must have been a huge ego boost for a woman who hadn't had sex for over 4 years.

And that's it. The End. Kelly and I haven't been able to meet since, although we both want to, but I'll explain that another time...

Coming soon...

2009-03-13T10:14:00.000-07:00

Another proper blog post that is. Hopefully next week, unless I've got insomnia and decide to try overnight blogging using a tiny screen.

Work has been so busy the last two weeks I've hardly had time to breathe, let alone send any naughty texts to Kelly. Nearly got caught doing it earlier in the week too - Whoops!

I need to reply to her though, she sent me a very good text earlier in the week - very naughty in content and best not repeated here. I'm sure you'll all understand.

Anyway, normal service will resume shortly...

The Chore of Sex - Marriage is a Sentence

2009-02-23T06:53:00.000-08:00

Well here I am again. Sorry I wasn't able to blog again last week but work and stuff got in the way of my bid to become the next successful author.

We were out at the weekend and I spotted a book in a bookshop with the title "The Chore of Sex". Clearly it's a spoof on Dr Comfort's infamous 1970s sex manual The Joy of Sex, but I found seeing that title hit me quite hard. And the saying 'many a true word is said in jest' is just a little too close to the truth.

Visiting a gift shop I also spotted some of those silly signs you can buy to hang on your walls, usually in kitchens. Again one of those seemed rather apt and set me thinking. It said "Marriage is a Sentence". Obviously it's meant to be taken in a light hearted way but it made me think that even prisioners are awarded parole for good behaviour - why shouldn't the same apply to marriages? I'd be happy to have as little as a half day off from my marital responsibilites once a month to indulge myself in a little physical fun with a like-minded female friend.

And on the subject of like-minded female friends I really should continue my incomplete ramblings from last time...

Picking up where I left off, I was contacted in the late summer last year when I was least expecting it, by a lady on one of the Adult Dating sites I'm registered with. I don't know why but something seemed to 'click' into place as I started to read her message and then her profile. And if any of you thought you've been suffering, then spare a thought for Kelly (obviously I'm not going to use her real name here). Kelly had turned to Adult Dating for much the same reasons as many of us do, as she put it "nothing happening between the sheets at home".

We had a brief exchange of enquiring first messages and I was taken in by Kelly's candid and incredibly honest answers. Although she wasn't married, she was in a very long term relationship of 20 years. However, the physical side of it had dried up a long time ago and for the last 5 years her partner hadn't even shared a bed with her; he preferred to sleep on his own. As I'm sure you can imagine, this had taken an emotional toll on her, one which I could so easily relate to in my own sexless relationship.

For the next two months we continue to email and text each other and the content of those emails and texts got x-rated very quickly. I'd make rather dirty suggestions of things I'd like Kelly to do, or do to her and amazingly she'd reply with what I was thinking, or would be delighted at my suggestion. It was clear that we both shared the same sexual tastes, and mostly things that our respective partners would never dream of doing! We also exchanged various 'naughty' photos and it was during these exchanges that I saw just how damaged Kelly had become thanks to her partner's disinterest in her - she actually beleived that he didn't want sex with her because her "body is ugly" (her words I'm sad to say). While Kelly wasn't visually the sort of woman I would have usually been attracted too (my wife is slim and 'sexy' to look at, but as you know that's as far as the sexy bit goes now), all I could see in what she'd written to me was a very sexy lady. And yes, maybe she was a little overweight but she wasn't what I'd call fat either - all the curves where still in the right places!

After driving each other wild with emails and texts I finally asked if she wanted to meet and to my delight she said yes. Not surprisingly she did have second thoughts and we cancelled our first meeting. But we still emailed and text, discussing what we wanted to do to each other when we met. Finally, she wrote to me and proposed another meeting. We'd both take the afternoon off work (I'd be "going to a meeting") and meet in a pub restaurant.

The day arrived and was I nervous. I felt like I was going for a job interview. It was very hard not to let anything show as I was both nervous and excited. At times I had to limp around to hide the rather obvious problem in my trousers! Well somehow I managed it and I left to go to the pub about 10 miles away - halfway between us. We'd exchanged car details and as I parked my car I began to wonder if Kelly would actually turn up. But she did. And she looked good. She was also very, very nervous. We went into the pub and had a drink and a very long chat - about 2 hours - where we talked over our situations, our experiences of the website and then our mutual fantasies. Chatting to Kelly made me see something that I don't see anymore in my wife. Kelly had a cheeky, sexy sparkle in the her eyes.

Unexpectedly, Kelly said "want to come back to my house?" Of course I'd have been a fool to say anything else, even if we just spent the afternoon talking dirty. I said a simple "Yes". The rest I'll tell you another day...

2009-02-16T08:40:00.000-08:00

Well here it is, my first blog.

OK, I know you're asking "Why are you here, and why have you called yourself 'The Neglected Husband'?"

Well, it's both a long, and a short story. The short part is that I'm here because of this blog by Shelly, someone who is experiencing the same, shall we say 'relationship issues' as I am.

Which brings me nicely to why my blog is called 'The Neglected Husband'. Like Shelly's relationship with her husband, my relationship with my wife is, shall we say, somewhat lacking in physical affection. This isn't a new thing, things have been going in that direction for probably ten years, but certainly things have deteriorated very badly over the last two or three years.

At first I thought the problem was me - and dare I say it, my wife did little to discourage me from the view that I'd turned into some sort of 'sex maniac'. I'm sure someone will comment that I should do something about it, talk to her, seek counselling and other similar things, so I'll tell you now that I have tried to talk to her and she doesn't feel there is a problem! One of our chats from about two years ago about our physical relationship actually resulted in a response form her of "if you want that then you'll have to find it elsewhere". Me being me, I didn't take that at it's face value as some of my less monogamous male peers would - I've tried to rekindle and restore our physical relationship, but with no success. And I'll be quite clear about this - I still love my wife and I have no wish to destroy or terminate our otherwise happy and successful marriage.

So, with this lack of 'physical activity' in our sex life, what was I to do? Having also had the advice from my wife to "play with yourself", I did just that and I can't say it's that satisfying. And in this age of the Internet, of course search engines make it very easy to find 'material' to encourage the Sin of Onan, so Google has been 'my friend', as they say for sometime. Of course, whilst 'a picture paints a thousand words', after a while it wasn't quite enough and I gave into the lure of Chat Rooms. During my 'Chat Room phase' I must have chatted rather crudely with hundreds of people and certainly a few genuine ladies who wanted 'mutual fun'. Remarkably I am still in touch very occasionally with a nice lady from the USA who I met in a Chat Room and before any one asks, while we have 'cammed' together we've never participated in cybersex. In fact our chat's were mostly about our respective relationships and our 'sexual preferences' as they say. While Chat Rooms were fun for a while, I was never 100% sure who or should I say what sex, I was talking to. But very occasionally I would find myself talking to a real woman with a webcam, and while fun it wasn't quite the real thing.

Which is when I discovered the curiously titled 'Adult Dating' scene...

And I can honestly say I was shocked. Not that it existed, because I knew it had for years, going back to the strange 'contact mags' that used to grace the top shelves of certain newsagents in the late 1970s and during the 1980s. No, I was shocked by the sheer number of websites. Then I signed up with a few and I was shocked again. Why was I shocked? I was shocked by the huge numbers of members these sites had. And I'm not talking about parts of men's bodies either, I'm talking about the huge quantity of adults blatantly seeking sex.

Being brutally honest though my experience of 'Adult Dating' is not good. Firstly, and for some inexplicable reasons best known to themselves, some men on some sites seem to feel that all men on theses sites are either bisexual or closet homosexual, regardless of what their profiles might state. Well if any of those men are reading this can I say now that I'm not interested! And then of course there are men who pretend to be women in order to get a sexual liaison with another man. Why do they this? Anyway I digress. After other men the next worst thing about 'Adult Dating' sites are scammers. As if we don't have enough of this going on in the Internet in general, they've now discovered that they can trick gullible people on dating sites out of their cash as well. And then of course we have the timewasters. Why sign up for an 'Adult Dating' site, exchange messages with someone and then just disappear? Yes I can understand someone 'getting cold feet' as we say in England, but a simple message to say you've changed your mind is nice!

So, I think I've rambled on enough for now, and I hope I've left you wondering what happened next? Well I'll give you a small clue - I was contacted by a lady on one site and we got on very, very, well. But that's for next time... seen you soon.